Finding Greater Mental Clarity… The Busy Woman’s Way

Do you ever find yourself asking…

What’s the big deal about mental clarity? 

Why would I even want to look for it?

I used to wonder about this myself. Then I looked at all the amazing benefits that come with mental clarity. For example:

  • Decreased mental chatter
  • Increased focus and direction
  • Greater organization
  • Ease in decision-making
  • Increased ability to prioritize
  • More energy

Yes, I did say that mental clarity gives you more energy!

How does it do that?

It allows you to become more aware of:

  1. Who you are.
  2. Why you are here.
  3. Who you are serving.
  4. What you need to be doing. 

What does all this mean for you?

Once you learn how to gain and maintain mental clarity, navigating life becomes easier. Because as you are aware of who you are, why you’re here, and who you choose to serve, you will know what you need to be doing. And although you still need to take action, having clarity allows you to move forward with greater ease. Things just begin to flow into place.

Having mental clarity allows you to move forward through your life with greater ease. Share on X

How to gain and maintain greater mental clarity

Mental clarity can be found through various modalities and daily practices. Today, we’ll address the practice of meditation. Meditation can be described simply as, ‘the act of breathing and observing.’ 

You may already know that a regular daily meditation practice has many benefits:

  • Easing your busy mental chatter
  • Decreasing stress
  • Gaining self-awareness
  • Reducing negative emotions 
  • Finding new perspectives

Yet, you’re probably also thinking that regardless of its benefits, meditation still takes time. And if you’re looking for greater mental clarity but don’t have time for a regular daily meditation practice, you’re not alone.Today’s woman is already juggling multiple pursuits. So, with your full plate and busy schedule, devoting time to meditation may not seem practical. 

As a busy high-achiever, I completely understand that adding yet another thing to your day – even if it does ease mental chatter and create greater clarity – could feel like an inconvenience or stressor. I can also honestly say that I used to struggle with finding the time for a regular daily meditation practice. Then I learned that I could receive all the same benefits from a brief meditation break as well.

How to find mental clarity without a daily meditation practice

It may surprise you when I say that meditation can be more subtle than you think. You don’t need to have a regular daily meditation practice to boost your mindfulness and mental clarity. There are ways to access clarity and self-awareness and receive the benefits of a regular meditation practice in just a few minutes or less with a simple, mini-meditation.

First, I will share how to overcome the major obstacle keeping you from finding greater mental clarity through meditation. Then we’ll look at how you can deepen the practice to receive the most benefits. 

Afterward, I will give tips that helped me adopt the art of mini-meditation and provide you with a free gift to remind you of these simple yet effective practices.

Finding the time to achieve greater clarity

The major obstacle to choosing what to do during our day is a perceived lack of time. With work, appointments, and commitments, even just a few minutes may seem impossible to find within your busy schedule. Here are some ideas for how you can claim the lost moments throughout your hectic day: 

 1. During your commute 

Look forward to red lights and traffic jams, as they can be a reminder to breathe. If your commute consists of buses, trains, or subways, consider yourself lucky to have the opportunity to use these moments to focus on your breath.  

2. Between bites 

You’re already eating lunch, take the time to breathe in between bites.

3. Use commercial breaks 

While you relax and watch your evening program, use the commercial breaks as a time to meditate.

4. While waiting 

When you find yourself waiting in line for the bank, the grocery store, the doctor’s office, or anywhere else, use that time to meditate. 

5. In between tasks 

When you finish a meeting, appointment, or an item from your to-do list, take a moment to breathe and find clarity before starting something new. 

Now that you’ve found a few moments of time, you can make the most of those brief moments and enjoy your mini-meditation.  

How to make the most of your mini-meditation

1. Focus on your breath

Take a deep breath in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Pay attention to the inhale and exhale. What can you smell as you take in the breath? Cooking aromas? Nature? Tune into where the breath is residing in your body.

2. Scan your body 

What can you feel? What is your body touching? Search for tension within your body. If possible, give yourself a light massage to any areas with tension.

3. Observe your thoughts 

Notice the thoughts that are passing through your mind. Try not to label anything good or bad, right or wrong. Reserve your judgment and just notice. 

4. Embrace your feelings 

Acknowledge how you feel right now. Remind yourself that these feelings are only temporary, part of the present moment.

5. Hold a touchstone 

Many religions use beads to count prayers. This might help you with focus as well. If you wear a bracelet, have pocket change, or a charm, try holding the item in the palm of your hand. It will trigger your mind to come back to the present. This is called a touchstone.

Apply this mini-meditation to your daily routine  

If you’re looking to increase mental clarity and mindfulness through meditation but don’t have the time to devote to regular daily practice, I hope these suggestions help you find more peace throughout your day and bring you closer to the mental clarity you desire.

You don’t need to master a daily meditation practice to be a master of your own self-awareness and clarity. Simply consider taking a few moments for yourself in between your commitments. 

Comment below with your favorite way to find clarity through mini-meditation. 

Success Without Sacrifice: The High-Achieving Woman’s First Step to a More Fulfilled Life 

Maybe you’ve been living the American dream. You have an attentive spouse, a nice house and car, two kids, a membership at the country club, and yet you’re strangely dissatisfied.

The American dream looks great from the outside, and yet what if you don’t have the time or the energy to enjoy it?  

That’s what happened to me. I was living my version of the American dream. I was successful, I created results, I’d accumulated a lot, I loved the thrill of the challenge… and I was wired to do whatever it takes. I had a PhD in all that. And I still do.

However, over time, the methodology that I had used for success began to break down and fall apart. It started to impact my emotional and physical health until I reached a point of diminishing returns, in my satisfaction and my inner fulfillment. The effort required to continue getting the same level of results had increased, and I had to make choices about what I really wanted. 

I no longer had the energy to do it all. 

If you’re one of those women who has that ‘I’ll do whatever it takes’ attitude, you may be using the approach that I used to create your success. And, you may be: 

  1. Noticing that it’s just getting harder to create the same results, so it’s taking more and more of a toll on you. Or 
  2. Close to burning out and you don’t even know it. Or 
  3. Burned out, and now as you recuperate, you’re realizing that life has to have more meaning to it… that it can no longer be substantially about creating results. 

If you’re in any of those three places that I just described, then – most likely – you’ll want to know the first step I took in order to find more meaning and fulfillment in my life. This initial step led me to design and implement a new life methodology, which allowed me to heal and still create the level of results I desire without giving up my identity. 

Now, it’s likely that you’ve never given the idea of a life methodology much thought. It’s not as if it gets mentioned in school, and your parents probably never broached the subject. Yet, my methodology has afforded me the opportunity to experience greater purpose, fulfillment, and physical well-being. And it all started with that very first step, which I will now share with you…

It’s self-reflection.

Unfortunately, self-reflection seems to be a dying art. People either feel they don’t have the time or that it’s a waste of time. Others are afraid to take a good, long, hard look at themselves and their past actions. Yet, as I shared above, there’s so much to be gained by examining yourself and your past. Here’s how…

Mastering self-reflection to achieve greater fulfillment and success:

1. Educate yourself

While this is a personal journey, that doesn’t mean it has to be solitary. Rather than starting completely from scratch, take a look at the people you know who have the kind of life that you admire most. Ask how they approach life. You might find something that resonates with you. 

2. Ask yourself how you got to this point

You already have a set of beliefs regarding what is valuable in life. Who taught those beliefs to you? Did you pick them up from your parents? Friends? Movies? Teachers? Books? How was your current approach to life established?

3. Determine what you want your life to be about

Will your life be about money and success? Altruism? Adventure? Family? Personal development? What matters to you?

What do you think is most important? Can you be happy with that decision? For example, you might believe that family should be the most important thing. Yet, who do you consider family? What’s your definition of family?

Many philosophers argue that there is no inherent meaning to life, which is just a fancy way of saying that you can choose the meaning of life for yourself and be just as correct as anyone else.

4. Start at the end

Imagine that you’ve lived a long life and you’re reaching the end. What kind of life do you want to look back on? What sorts of things do you want to have learned, achieved, and experienced? How do you want to be remembered? With the end in mind, how do you need to live today to reach that ideal ending?

5. Bounce your ideas off others

Find like-minded people and discuss your thoughts. When you’re open and share your ideas, you might gain an insight that makes all the difference. Feel free to tweak and experiment with what you find.

6. Give it a try

Once you’ve found a way of looking at the world that appeals to you, take it for a test-ride. See if it suits you. Have patience while you’re on this journey. It may take time to become completely satisfied with your new viewpoint.

Self-Reflection allows you to notice the detrimental patterns in your life. This is a tremendous power, because you can use this knowledge to design a more effective path through life. 

When you learn about yourself, you become a more powerful version of yourself. Through self-reflection, you can redefine your life, choosing for yourself what is most important. Then, rather than pursuing the standard path to success, you create your own. 

Since you’re going to work diligently at whatever approach you take to be successful, it only makes sense to spend that time and effort to create what’s most meaningful to you. So, sit down each day or once a week and apply some self-reflection. Consider all the different areas of your life: relationships, finances, work, health, and so on. I believe you’ll be happy with the results.

When you use reflective thinking, you enhance your life. So, just imagine being more enlivened when you get out of bed each morning.

The Power of Contemplation: 10 Ways to Harness Greater Peace and Joy

There’s a time for work, a time for play, and a time for contemplation. Contemplation is defined as deep reflective thought or the action of looking thoughtfully at something for a long time. 

Unlike the practices of mindfulness or meditation, you don’t lose yourself in the experience. When you engage in contemplation, you are thinking about an experience in words or thoughts. Contemplation is an exercise of reflection on, rather than presence with, or absorption in, an experience.

The primary advantage humans have over animals is our ability to contemplate. In doing so, we learn about ourselves, our lives, and our situation. 

According to Psychology Today, “From the Greek philosopher Plato to the Buddha to modern psychology forefathers William James and Wilhelm Wundt, the value of contemplation as a means of fostering well-being and wisdom has been known for a long time.”

I only wish somebody had told me. As a Type-A overachiever, there was a time when I had no awareness that there were benefits to pausing and contemplating — on myself, my life, or my business. I believed that if I wasn’t moving forward, I was “wasting” time. I now know better, and I’d like to share what I have learned with you.

The 3 main benefits that are realized from contemplation

1.You learn about yourself 

Most people are shockingly low in self-awareness – like I was. Some believe they are too busy, while others prefer to distract themselves rather than invest time in contemplation.

There’s much to be learned by taking a few minutes daily to reflect on your day and the choices you made. It can help you to face your fears or redefine your life. When you know yourself, you can make better plans that utilize your strengths, avoid your weaknesses, and enhance your life.

When you know yourself, you can make better plans that utilize your strengths, avoid your weaknesses, and enhance your life. Share on X

2. You learn from your past

If you look at the biggest mistakes you’ve made in your life, you’ll find they’re surprisingly similar. Contemplation allows you to notice the negative patterns in your life. You may have spent money you couldn’t afford, become involved with someone you shouldn’t, or made poor decisions to get away from stressful situations.

If you’ve never taken the time to review these mistakes, you’ve probably repeated them. Reflecting on the past helps you identify what works and use it to your advantage.

3. You take intelligent and thoughtful action 

When you’re action-oriented, you may believe – like I did – that contemplation is a “waste” of time. Yet before jumping in with both feet, it can be incredibly helpful to spend some time thinking and strategizing. Reflect on what you actually want to accomplish for yourself.

And even if you have an idea where you want to go, you may want to consider regular reflection to ensure that you remain on the path toward success. When you’re on the right path, you’ll find greater peace and joy in your life.

An essential tool for change

Contemplation can be incredibly rewarding, because you can use your experiences and knowledge to discover a more effective path through life. You can learn about yourself, solve challenges, and become a more powerful version of yourself. 

Contemplation can be a potent tool for change. You can choose to get different results in your life. All it takes is a little directed thinking each day to clear your mind, relax, and find that peace and joy you crave.

10 Strategies for applying the power of contemplation in your life 

1.Make contemplation a priority 

If you’re anything like me, you’re a busy person. You won’t spend time contemplating on a regular basis unless you make it a priority. So, decide that you’re going to spend some time each day reflecting. You can learn a lot if you take the time to examine your life on a regular basis.

2. Plan the time and purpose

You most likely have a specific time for meals, going to bed, or watching TV. So, it’s important to choose a specific time for contemplation, too. Because, if you don’t plan contemplation into your day, it probably won’t happen. 

Also, before you begin, plan how you’re going to use your reflection time. Otherwise, you may find yourself staring out the window and daydreaming.

3. Examine your day 

Ask yourself: What went well today? What brought me joy? What am I grateful for? What didn’t go according to plan and how can I receive it as a gift? What did I learn today? How do I want to move forward based on what I learned today? What specific actions do I want to take? What will bring me greater joy?

4. Examine your challenges 

Ask yourself: What are the challenges in my life? Do I view them as problems or opportunities? How can I shift my mindset so I see problems as opportunities instead? What led me to this point? How are these challenges impacting my life? 

5. Reflect on how to move forward 

Ask yourself: What are some possible action steps I can take to address the challenges in my life? What can I do right now? How can I move forward with a joyful outlook? Rather than distract yourself from your challenges, see them as opportunities you can choose to engage with more joyfully.

6. Search for answers 

Maybe you’re not sure why you’re so insecure in your romantic relationships. Perhaps you have unresolved issues from your childhood. Why do you spend too much money? This can be a great use of your contemplation time. When you focus your attention on a specific question, you’re more likely to find the answer you need.

7. Use affirmations 

Write a list of affirmations that embrace what you want to achieve and what you want to become in your life.

Write them in present tense, because It is important to focus on the things that are occurring now that will lead to your future success. And be sure to use the word “I” throughout the list. For example, “I am always good at my job.”

You may hear words in your head such as, “But you messed this up the other day” or “You weren’t as productive a few days ago.” If you are hearing things like this, then banish those negative thoughts. It can take some time to get used to positive thinking, but it’ll be time well-spent.

Repeating your affirmations aloud will enable you to reprogram your mind with positive thoughts. 

8. Relax 

Take a few minutes and catch your breath. If you have a busy life, it’s important to rest your body and mind each day. A little time alone can be better than a therapist.

9. Write and reflect 

Purchase a journal and write in that journal every single day. Each day, first write down something positive that occurred that day. Next, write down a question for yourself. Don’t answer that question then and there. Reflect on that question and write your answer the next day as a part of your journal entry.

10. Visualize creatively 

This is a fun way to self-reflect! Make yourself a box to show your hopes and dreams. Or you can create a vision board. Place pictures and words that represent you and your thoughts into your box or on your board. The more details you include, the better it works! Imagination is the key… and the sky’s the limit!

Your guide to the past and present

Life isn’t only about going to work, watching TV, spending time with family, and chasing your goals. When you practice reflection and introspection you can live a more peaceful life and continue to grow each day. Even just 15 minutes a day can make a big difference. 

Use your contemplation time however you like. You might reflect on your childhood or the meaning of life, review the last year, plan the future, or consider your spirituality. You could even practice your ability to focus. It’s your time to use as you like.

Contemplation is a useful tool that’s free to learn and apply. Imagine being able to leverage your strengths, minimize your weaknesses, and avoid repeating your mistakes. A session of reflection each day will help you become the best version of yourself. And over time, contemplation can enable you to achieve the peace and joy you deserve.  

Contemplate that.

And for additional ways to increase your joy, click here and claim your FREE gift, Happiness 101: A Modern Guide to a More Joyful Life. 

This gift will:

  • Allow you to use the tool of contemplation to your best advantage.
  • Provide additional direction in your journey to a more joyful life. 
  • Invite you to explore the things that give you joy. 
  • Give you the opportunity to experience joy with greater ease.

Click here now to claim your free gift: Happiness 101: A Modern Guide to a More Joyful Life

Embrace Yourself: 12 Ways to Build Your Self-Esteem

Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough? 

Are you driven to achieve in order to prove that you’re enough? 

The difference between healthy and low self-esteem

The word “esteem” means to regard favorably. Self-esteem is how you regard yourself. It’s your sense of self, how you rate yourself as a human being, how worthy you feel you are. Self-esteem refers to your acceptance of yourself and the value you place on yourself. 

Healthy self-esteem exists when you possess a positive and realistic sense of who you are, understand your strengths, and like yourself despite your weaknesses. 

On the other hand, when you have low self-esteem you are critical of yourself, focus on your negatives, and ignore your achievements. If this describes you, you’re not alone. Low self-esteem is a common challenge – regardless of age, background, or socioeconomic status. 

Healthy self-esteem exists when you possess a positive and realistic sense of who you are, understand your strengths, and like yourself despite your weaknesses. Share on X

Tracing low self-esteem to your childhood 

Low self-esteem can often be traced back to childhood. It can be common if you come from a background where you were told you weren’t good enough, were made to feel unlovable, or suffered through a traumatic event.

If you experienced any of these things growing up, it’s possible that your desire for success is driven by low self-esteem. And you might not be aware of this or willing to admit it out loud, because the outside world views you as a confident and successful woman. This could make you uncomfortable admitting that you have fears or inner doubts.

When you stop long enough to be vulnerable and acknowledge what’s true, you may see that no matter how much you succeed, it’s never enough. You’re continuously striving for the next goal. And you may begin to realize that one of the reasons you are doing this is to prove something to the outer world. 

If you’re wondering how I know this… 

I’ve lived it. For my first 27 years, from the time I was born until a couple of years before he died, my father showed no interest in me. So, I was driven to achieve in my efforts to prove that I was good enough, lovable enough, and worthy enough for my father’s attention. And no matter what goal I accomplished, it wasn’t enough. 

Of course, this made me highly successful in life. It also led me to experience burnout. And it taught me that childhood experiences can influence your level of self-esteem. 

However, it’s not unusual to develop self-esteem issues in adulthood too. Any time you go through a difficult situation, it can affect the way you see yourself. For example, if you lose your job, go through a divorce or file bankruptcy, you may internalize this experience and believe it’s your fault… that you caused this bad thing to occur. 

Yet regardless of whether your experience of low self-esteem stems from childhood or adulthood, I’ve learned that there’s a lot you can do as an adult to boost your confidence.

Below are twelve ideas that you can apply to your own circumstances to overcome low self-esteem. Use what resonates with you.

Build your self-esteem by embracing these tips

1. Set boundaries 

Let others know how you wish to be treated. Remove yourself from relationships and situations that cause unnecessary stress and interfere with your well-being. Instead, develop stable and mutually supportive relationships. Surround yourself with positive people, including family and friends who are encouraging and appreciate you for who you are.  

2. Learn to accept compliments 

If you’re fortunate enough to have positive influences in your life, listen to them when they say you’ve done a good job. If you were undeserving of the praise, you wouldn’t be getting it. So, resist the urge to dismiss compliments. Instead, smile and say, “Thank you.” Accepting compliments will help you discover what you’re good at and strengthen your self-confidence.

3. Advocate for yourself 

Ask for help when you need it. Be willing to say “No.” It’s natural to feel bad about yourself when you agree to do things you don’t want to do, because you’re disrespecting yourself. So refuse requests when you genuinely don’t want to do them. Give yourself the respect and compassion you deserve.

4. Prioritize yourself 

Make your mental and physical health a top priority. Eat nutritious foods, exercise regularly, and sleep well. Treat your time like a precious resource. Plan your days and block time for the activities you love. Investing in yourself helps you to stay strong and maximize your potential.

5. Embrace your individuality

You’re much more interesting than the person you pretend to be. We develop the urge to conform in elementary school. But you’re not like everyone else. You’re unique. You’ll make more friends and have more influence if you respect your unique gifts and are willing to be yourself. Authenticity is the basis of true confidence.

6. Avoid “shoulding” on yourself 

If you’re constantly telling yourself, “I should have done this” or “I should have said that”, you’re focusing on things that have already happened and you’re unable to change. Remember that self-esteem is a symptom of detrimental thinking habits. Anything said or done in the past is over. You only keep those things alive with your thoughts. Instead, plan for the future. Uplift your thinking and your self-esteem will rise as well.

7. Set reasonable expectations 

Accept that human beings make mistakes. If you’re unwilling to accept anything less than perfection from yourself, you’ll feel discouraged when you inevitably make a mistake. Don’t let mistakes get you down. Remember that every mistake you make is a chance to learn and grow.

8. Recognize and celebrate your accomplishments 

If your self-esteem is lacking, you might spend a lot of time focusing on the negative. Instead, acknowledge your accomplishments and allow yourself to be happy. It’s okay to be proud of yourself.

9. Make a list of all your best qualities 

When you have low self-esteem, you focus on the things you dislike about yourself. Instead, write down your strengths, skills, talents, and positive personality traits. Taking some time to focus on your good qualities can have a very positive effect.

10. Avoid comparing yourself to others 

It can be easy to get into a habit of comparing yourself negatively to other people. Instead, remember that you are unique. And know that your self-esteem comes from within. So, you can choose how you see yourself. Choose to see an attractive, thoughtful, intelligent, and caring person. 

11. Use affirmations 

Affirmations are great self-esteem boosters. They show your brain what you already know you can achieve. Read affirmations on subjects of your choice or write your own. Affirmations bring positive energy into the present moment.

12. Get a life coach or a spiritual counselor 

These are professionals who empower you to deepen your relationship with yourself. They partner with you to create strategies that target your unique skills and gifts. They’re like a supportive friend, only better! Because they are experts, guiding you to enhance every aspect of your life on your journey toward success, so you can maximize your full potential, reach your desired results, and attain greater fulfillment. In this day and age, it is extremely common for any successful individual to have a coach or counselor guiding them, so there’s no need to be embarrassed about seeking one out

Embrace, honor, and love yourself to healthy self-esteem


As I’ve already mentioned, there are many factors which can cause or contribute to low self-esteem. The key to overcoming your low self-esteem is to believe in your abilities and recognize the areas where you excel, so you can start feeling good about yourself again. The above tips will help you to achieve this.

As you build your self-esteem, you’ll make sound decisions and fulfill your goals with even greater ease. You’ll know with certainty that you are lovable, capable, and worthy of dignity and respect. And you will begin to love and accept yourself for who you are. 

You will understand that self-care is a vital part of loving yourself, because you deserve to feel good about yourself. And as I mentioned earlier, investing in yourself helps you to stay strong and maximize your potential. 

Be the first to know when there’s a new article, free gift, program, and other helpful tips that will empower you to address the areas that need attention in your life. If you aren’t already part of my online community, click here to join us.

Whitney

How to Restore a Relationship Part 2: Embracing the Path Forward

I hope you took some time over the last two weeks to think about a relationship in your life that has been suffering; that you’ve reflected on your memories of time spent with that person. 

If you recall, I encouraged you to remove all judgment and consider only the positives that this connection brought to your life. 

You may have completed my Let Go of What’s Holding You Back checklist and worksheet to help you decide whether to let go with grace or take steps to restore that relationship. 

If you’ve chosen to restore a relationship to a place of importance in your life and you’ve set new boundaries, it’s time to talk about how to embrace the path forward. 

We’ll frame that path in the context of forgiveness, acceptance, and enjoyment. 

If you’ve chosen to restore a damaged relationship to a place of importance in your life, embrace the path forward with forgiveness, acceptance, and enjoyment. Share on X

1. Forgiveness

For many of us, all the strain and added stress from the pandemic and a contentious election year transferred over to our relationships. The loss of face-to-face interaction during stay-at-home measures meant communication had to happen in new and challenging ways, like video, text, email, etc. Our messages and meaning may have gotten lost in translation. We may have felt misunderstood or unheard, and the other person may have felt that way too. And when frustrations boiled over, grace was not always extended. 

All of this is understandable. The absence of social interaction has deeply affected relationships. To be able to embrace the path forward, we must first extend forgiveness for all missteps made during this time — to yourself and to the other person. 

2. Acceptance

If we hope to restore a relationship, acceptance must follow forgiveness. You or the other person may have acted in ways that have created feelings of guilt or shame. Practicing self-love can be a powerful first step to overcome these feelings and move towards acceptance of yourself and the other person.

Moving forward, life will return to a version of normalcy. But it is helpful to acknowledge that things may never be the same for this relationship. In some cases, scars from past hurts will remain, but there may also be opportunities for deeper and more meaningful connections.   

3. Enjoyment

We must acknowledge the collective loss of connection we have all experienced. We’ve lost precious time together, whether it be family celebrations, life milestones, or normal social activities. The enjoyment we derive from these moments of connection cannot be underestimated. They are crucial to our overall quality of life. 

Focusing on enjoying life is a great first step not only to reconnect with this person but to restore some sense of normalcy to your own life. Think about what it was you missed about the other person and relationship. What drew you to each other in the first place? What did you enjoy doing together? Maybe it was that weekly cup of coffee, a chat at the mailbox, or a morning dog walk together. Now is the time to rekindle those simple moments of enjoyment. 

Embracing the Path Forward Through Human Connection

In time, we’ll resume some semblance of our past routines and day-to-day life. 

Whatever that looks like, we will always have an innate human need for connection. And relationships are essential for our overall wellness.

Your social connections will come from existing relationships and any new ones you choose to cultivate. As for this particular relationship — it has suffered so it is fragile. Restoring it may not be easy, but it is possible when you practice forgiveness, acceptance, and enjoyment. 

Before you get started, check in with yourself and your feelings. What is your general attitude as you consider restoration?  Make an effort to stay open to the new things you might discover about yourself and the other person along the way. I wish you luck in your relationship repair. 

Until next time, click here and sign up for my future articles to be delivered to your inbox.

Whitney

How to Restore a Relationship Part 1: Evaluating a Path Forward

The past year’s been difficult to say the least. Our day-to-day lives continue to be impacted by a deadly pandemic. Many of us have lost our livelihoods and loved ones.

Our faith in American democracy and its leaders has been tested as we continue to see what extreme divisiveness can do to a society. 

The lack of contact, connection, and understanding has been hard on so many relationships. Whether you have one that’s suffered due to lack of contact or the realization that you don’t share quite the same worldview, this period has revealed a lot about personal relationships.

Perhaps you’ve been disappointed by a shift in a relationship that’s important to you…

Maybe you’re thinking that now that life is starting a return to “normal” and political temperatures are tamping down a bit, you’d like to direct some attention to restoring a relationship with a family member or friend. If so, you’re not alone…

The word “restore” keeps popping up lately. It’s a subject that’s been on my mind, maybe for you too.

So I thought we could spend this time in April focusing on how to restore relationships. That starts with evaluating the relationship that has suffered and determining if there is a path forward.   

Restoring a Relationship: Is There a Path Forward?

There are many things that could have contributed to the fracturing of relationships over the last year or so… 

Perhaps you stayed connected with a close friend through a monthly lunch date. Without that face-to-face connection, neither of you have really made an effort to stay in touch. 

Maybe the differences in how you managed your health risk during COVID restrictions created a deep divide between you and a sibling. 

Or maybe the thoughtful public policy discussions you used to enjoy with a friend have evolved over time into something you want no part of.

These are familiar examples of what’s been happening to relationships during these uncertain times.

In order to restore a relationship — whether it be with a coworker, friend, sibling, or other family member — first you need to determine if there’s a path forward. And if there is, how to go about easing back into a relationship that serves you both. Let’s go a little deeper. 

1. Evaluation

At some point in our lives, we’ve all had to take stock of a relationship. We’ve had to decide whether that connection served either one of us and contributed to our growth and happiness. 

And don’t get me wrong, variety is the spice of life. I believe surrounding ourselves with different people with unique perspectives, personalities, and experiences makes life interesting and fulfilling. Not to mention it’s one way we humans learn empathy.  

But the unusual external stressors we have been experiencing may have identified things we didn’t see before. And depending on what they are, we may have some difficult decisions to make. We might need to ask ourselves if those differences add richness or opportunities for personal growth or do they detract from our happiness and well being. You’ll need to consider that carefully. 

2. Recommitment

If you’ve determined that a relationship that has been damaged is important to you, that the person means more to you than whatever it is that divides you, it’s time to make a commitment to reconnect. 

I encourage you to be the first to reach out in an effort to repair. But before you do, take time to center yourself. Consider all the positive memories you have of times together and decide that you’ll keep those interactions at the forefront of your mind. Appreciate all the things you have in common and whatever it was that brought you together in the first place.

If you’ve determined that a relationship that has been damaged is important to you, that the person means more to you than whatever it is that divides you, it’s time to make a commitment to reconnect. Share on X

3. Boundaries

To restore a relationship, it’s best for you to choose to stay in the present if you want to enjoy the relationship going forward. That will likely involve establishing new boundaries. For example, you might be making a conscious choice to only engage with the other person in ways that restore harmony to your relationship. 

Test the new relationship boundary by planning time to enjoy a hobby together. Start reconnecting slowly and see where things lead. 

Up Next: How to Restore a Relationship Part 2

Stay tuned for my next article which will explore how to embrace the path forward for a relationship you’d like to restore. It’s about learning to forgive, accept and enjoy. 

Make sure to click here and sign up for my future articles so that you receive them in your inbox.  

Until next time, I encourage you to think about the relationships in your life that have been suffering. Take time to reflect on your memories of time spent with that person. Remove all judgment and consider only what that connection brought to your life. 

Whitney

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