Burnout, Overwhelm, Self-Care, Self-Love
Is it selfish to love yourself?
This is a question you may have wrestled with in your mind.
At times, you may feel that it is.
You may take a day off to replenish your energy, only to feel shame and guilt settle in.
Or you may have said no to doing a favor because you’re over-extended, but you tell yourself that you should’ve done it anyway.
When you start associating self-love and caring for yourself with selfishness, it affects how you move through life:
- You feel unworthy of care
- You don’t take care of yourself first
- You put other people’s needs above your own
Because you don’t want to feel shameful or for others to perceive you as selfish, you stop taking actions to love yourself. This leads to feelings of frustration, resentment and exhaustion.
I’m here to tell you that it’s a myth that self-love is selfish.
And when you learn how to build a positive and loving relationship with yourself, you cultivate an enhanced sense of self that not only benefits you, but the loved ones around you.
Why Do We Think that Self-Love is Selfish (And How Can We Shift These Beliefs?)
Before you can embrace self-love, let’s debunk three misconceptions you might be holding:
Myth #1: Self-care is lazy and self-indulgent
Self-love and self-care are strongly linked.
When you love yourself, you show it through self-care.
But when you’re so used to working every moment, rest and relaxation can sound indulgent. It may feel like you’re slacking off.
But, here’s the thing about self-care.
Its sole purpose isn’t about feeling good or indulging yourself.
Self-care is about nurturing your well-being – physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. It’s about loving yourself so you can manifest the life you desire and share your gifts without burning out.
Also, self-care isn’t only taking time off to relax. Self-care is also about daily acts of love for yourself.
Each time you make a commitment to get enough sleep, take steps outside your comfort zone and make sacrifices to achieve your goals, you show yourself that you love YOU.
Myth #2: Love is a finite resource
You may mistakenly believe that love is limited…
That the love you give to yourself detracts from what can be given to anyone else. And, following that logic, there isn’t enough love to go around. So, you might believe that your love should be given to others before yourself.
But love doesn’t work the same as time — they may be related but with key differences.
See, time is a finite resource. When you spend time here, that moment is gone. You can’t rediscover it and spend it elsewhere.
Love, however, is abundant. When you direct love toward yourself, you also enhance your capacity to share it with the people around you.
Self-love makes it possible for you to better love and support others. Because when you love yourself through acts of kindness and care, you experience:
- Increased energy
- Greater vitality
- More motivation
- Clearer thinking
- More emotional mastery
Self-love is what enables you to love yourself and others more deeply.
Myth #3: Self-love is negotiable
You believe that you can survive without loving yourself.
You’ve done it for so long, so why start now?
Yet, this belief only traps you in a dangerous cycle.
Because when you don’t love yourself, you don’t care for yourself. And when you don’t care for yourself, you burn out.
You swing back and forth between overworking yourself and recovering out of sheer necessity.
Before you know it, it’s too late.
If you want a life filled with abundance, ease and joy, then self-love is the pathway. By loving and caring for yourself fully, you open yourself to greater passion and inspiration.
You no longer second-guess your worth. You simply love and care for yourself and this reflects in the daily acts of self-love, like:
- Making time for your priorities
- Balancing work and play
- Being totally immersed in the present
- Giving your body what it needs
- Being grateful for your blessings
Learning How to Embrace That YOU Are the Most Important Person in Your Life
That’s right.
And I know your brain might be telling you how selfish this sounds, but hear me out.
Everything that you do, every thought you think, and every emotion you feel starts with YOU.
Without a foundation of self-love and self-care, you wouldn’t have the resources for personal growth or even to help others. Instead…
- You’re strapped for time because you clutter your schedule with non-priorities
- You’re exhausted and overwhelmed
- You’re emotionally drained because you’re not respecting your mind and body
Remember: before you fill the cup of another, you must fill the well of love and compassion within yourself. By empowering yourself first, you gain the capacity to contribute to others.
Therefore, self-love is the key to not only helping yourself but also helping others. How, then, can self-love be anything but a selfless act?
So, how do you embrace that you are the most important person in your life?
By showing up for yourself… Every. Single. Day.
It sounds hard. It’s a huge commitment.
But chances are, you already show up for work and for other people at least five days a week. Surely, you can devote at least two hours for yourself daily.
So dedicate time to creating a daily self-care practice. Because the quality of your self-love depends on what actions you take. “Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth,” said Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D., President of the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation
You might commit to self-care in the morning when you wake up:
- Enjoy the morning silence
- Put your attention on 5-10 things you’re grateful for
- Journal for ten minutes
- Do outdoor yoga for thirty minutes
- Eat a nutritious breakfast
Or maybe you focus on self-care in the evening after work or before you go to sleep:
- Give yourself a massage with essential oils
- Listen to soothing music as you rest your head and close your eyes
- Do some light exercises to shrug off the day’s stress
- Take a long warm bath to soothe your aching muscles
Self-care can even occur in the small decisions you make throughout the day:
- Setting boundaries to protect your time
- Choosing a healthy lunch
- Drinking plenty of water
- Stretching during your work breaks
- Honoring your emotions by speaking your mind
Showing up for yourself via your daily routine is one of the greatest acts of love for yourself. And with time, you will see your daily efforts bear fruit.
Do You Need Guidance in Your Journey to Self-Love?
One of the scariest things about self-love is taking responsibility for loving and caring for yourself.
You might feel like shouldering other people’s problems is your cross to bear. You might even identify as someone who selflessly puts others’ needs before your own.
But when you start loving yourself and taking responsibility for your priorities, health and well-being… everything shifts.
Now, you are responsible for taking the daily actions that manifest ease and growth in your life.
Where do you even begin? How do you start?
Fortunately, your journey to self-love doesn’t have to be a solitary one. If you’re willing to receive support, I’m here to offer it.
Special note: Join my brand new 6-week online group coaching program for women and go From Struggle To Ease.
During this group program, you’ll have the opportunity to experience the powerful cutting edge tools that have allowed me to let go of struggle and live without stress and overwhelm!
As a result of taking this program you’ll experience a life-changing transformation. This means that you will…
- Enjoy increased peace of mind by quickly dissolving conflict, upset, and intense experiences.
- Access more energy and enthusiasm for your business than ever before.
- Achieve your goals more quickly and easily.
- Say YES to yourself and what matters most, rather than the stuff that over-extends you.
- Have greater ease and flow in your relationships, work, finances, health, and more.
Click here now for more details and to claim your spot for From Struggle To Ease: A 6-Week Online Coaching Program for Type-A Women Who Want Results Now.
Burnout, Overwhelm, Self-Care, Self-Love
I can do it myself.
How many times do you tell yourself this — even when it feels like you’re drowning in overwhelm and endless responsibilities?
Sometimes you push yourself to your limits because you feel like you’re advocating for your power and independence. But here’s what happens:
You try to quietly power through your exhaustion. You stay and work late, overextending yourself. Tasks pile up, your priorities fall through the cracks and then you’re left picking up the pieces…
See, advocating for yourself isn’t about showing yourself that you can do it all.
Advocating for yourself is about realizing when you need support and asking for what you need. It’s about feeling comfortable with telling yourself, “I can’t do this alone. I need more support” and then asking for what you need from those around you.
But communicating your needs to others can feel like the hardest thing to do.
Why is this?
Perhaps, you avoid asking because you fear judgment. Or you’re a people-pleaser and don’t want to “rock the boat”. Or maybe it’s because you don’t want to feel exposed and vulnerable.
Getting Comfortable With Vulnerability
Asking for what you need leaves you open to rejection and criticism.
The other person might say no.
They may even judge you, just as you feared.
But some will say yes.
And those who do are the people with whom you build powerful support systems. You give and take and share with each other, creating beautiful life-long relationships in the process.
When you self-advocate and ask for support, you are practicing self-love.
Because you care about yourself enough to get help when you need it, instead of letting yourself shoulder the weight of the world alone. And you will learn that other people actually want to contribute to you.
But what would happen if you tried to do everything alone?
What Would Happen if You Didn’t Speak Up?
The consequences go beyond your needs being unmet.
Let’s say you’re unhappy with how you and your partner communicate. When you share a frustrating experience, your partner immediately goes into problem-solving mode. Yet, all you want is someone to listen and empathize.
Yet, you don’t speak up about how you feel.
Over time, you feel resentment. There’s a disconnect between what you desire (empathy) and what you’re receiving (solutions). And you feel frustrated because you’re not honoring your needs and being authentic with your emotions.
See, we often stay silent because it feels easier… in the moment.
Yet, if you ignore your needs and let your problems fester long-term, they can lead you to feel isolated, alone and unsupported.
4 Tips to Help You Ask for What You Need
Instead of struggling alone with the weight of the world on your shoulders, ask for support. You may be surprised to learn that other people want to help you succeed and thrive.
Following these four tips will help you break the silence, ask for what you need, and finally respect your well-being.
#1 Stop Asking If You “Deserve” What You Want
One reason why you might refuse to ask for help is because you feel undeserving.
You don’t think you’re worthy of help or affection.
I’m here to tell you that you have incredible self-worth and that you deserve to claim a life where you feel heard, respected, and loved.
If you need more support from your partner when you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for it. Don’t feel like you need to “deserve” it before you can make such a request.
If you’re overextended at work and need a personal day, ask for it. Preserving your health shouldn’t be something you have to question.
You deserve it.
#2 Create and Respect Your Boundaries
In Psychology Today, F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W. said, “Boundaries represent your values and beliefs.” Thus, the first step to creating healthy boundaries is to identify your values and priorities.
Your values and priorities lead you to manifest the life you desire. They also set natural boundaries — things and activities that are aligned with your values and priorities.
Let’s say you want to make quality time with friends and family a priority. If you’re burning the midnight oil at work, then your actions are incongruent with this priority.
See, boundaries aren’t just for other people to respect. They’re also something for YOU to respect.
Asking for what you need isn’t something you only ask of others. It’s also something your values and priorities ask of YOU.
#3 Be Assertive When Communicating Your Needs
When asking for what you need, you might feel embarrassed.
Instead of clearly stating what you need, you may hide your request in filler “pleasantries”:
- When you have time, could you…
- … but only if it’s not too much of a bother.
- I know you might be busy, but…
You might find yourself doing this at work when asking something of a co-worker or communicating with a superior.
Yet, what you’re communicating is that your needs are secondary and can be attended to “when they have time” or if “it’s not too much of a bother.”
However, your needs are essential, just like anything else.
If something is not working for you, communicate it clearly: I’m feeling this way. And I need this to help me feel better or resolve this challenge.
#4 Learn When to Ask for Help
If you struggle with being able to fulfill your priorities and honor your needs, you may need to rely on your support systems.
Instead of shouldering everything yourself, you can ask for help.
If you feel yourself burning out, you can ask your children to pitch in more with the house chores. Or you might want to talk to your boss about taking a few personal days to heal your body and mind.
If you have the resources, you can hire some help. For example, you can sign up for a food delivery service or pay somebody to regularly clean your home — even if it’s just once a month, it can make a difference.
Asking for help lessens the amount on your plate and frees up your time so you can do what’s truly important…
Enjoy life, honor your needs, and fulfill your goals!
Are You Able to Ask for What You Need?
You may tend to hold your needs close to your chest and hide them from the world.
But, if you hide your needs and don’t communicate them, other people won’t know how to support you.
It’s possible that you do this because you feel a sense of shame. You don’t want to ask for help because you think this will appear as weakness. Perhaps you’re afraid it’s an admission that you’re incompetent.
If these thoughts cross your mind when you think about seeking support, you may be dealing with limiting beliefs.
This may surprise you.
Asking for help requires self-awareness and self-confidence that may feel uncomfortable.
Special note: I’m so excited about my brand new 6-week online group coaching program for women to go From Struggle To Ease! It begins on Monday November 9, so make sure to act now.
During this group program, you’ll have the opportunity to experience the powerful cutting edge tools that have allowed me to let go of struggle and live without stress and overwhelm!
As a result of taking this program you’ll experience a life-changing transformation. This means that you will…
- Enjoy increased peace of mind by quickly dissolving conflict, upset, and intense experiences.
- Access more energy and enthusiasm for your business than ever before.
- Achieve your goals more quickly and easily.
- Say YES to yourself and what matters most, rather than the stuff that over-extends you.
- Have greater ease and flow in your relationships, work, finances, health, and more.
Click here now for more details and to claim your spot for From Struggle To Ease: A 6-Week Online Coaching Program for Type-A Women Who Want Results Now.
Burnout, Overwhelm, Self-Care, Self-Love
If your body had an actual voice, what would it say?
Would it thank you for feeding it nutritious foods and giving it time to rejuvenate?
Or would its voice be faint from the exhaustion and tension it’s enduring?
Sometimes you get so caught up in the daily grind — fulfilling your priorities and chasing your goals — that you forget about your constant companions…
Your body and mind.
When you neglect them, you neglect your needs… I’m talking about needs related to your well-being — sleep, nutrition, self-care.
When you ignore what your body is asking of you, you’ll quickly burn out. The burning fire that motivates you fizzles out and you’re left with ashes.
Instead of reaching the point of (almost) no return, you can build a healthier relationship with your body. When you learn how to honor your needs and desires, you can recognize and fulfill what YOU require to claim a life of greater ease, balance and growth.
What Does It Mean to Honor Your Needs?
Honoring your needs is respecting your mind and your body. You prioritize your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being by:
- Understanding and respecting your limits
- Creating healthy boundaries to protect your time and energy
- Distinguishing your needs from the needs of others
- Grounding yourself in your values and priorities
- Learning how to manage your time, so you create enough space for self-care
When you fulfill the above priorities, you can achieve well-being.
But maybe you already know this…
If so, then what is stopping you from following through on your good intentions?
The One Thing That Stands Between You and Honoring Your Needs
It’s simple, really.
You make self-care negotiable.
Instead, you think you have superpowers and you can just push through the exhaustion.
You believe you can power beyond your limits indefinitely.
You overwork yourself because you believe the ends justify the means.
Yet, think about this.
What happens when you achieve your goals, yet…
- Anxiety wracks your mind
- You feel uncomfortable in your skin
- You suffer from exhaustion and tension
- You’re unable to recognize your self-worth
See, life isn’t about “hustling” every waking hour. Even an ambitious woman, like yourself, needs time to honor the needs of your body and mind.
If you struggle with honoring your needs, these three tips will help move self-care to the top of your priority list.
How to Honor Your Needs: 3 Practical Tips to Make Self-Care a TOP Priority
#1 Be Ruthlessly Honest With Yourself
Self-care is about preserving your well-being and protecting your needs and desires. That means dedicating time — one of your most valuable resources — to care for and love yourself.
However, your time is finite.
Contrary to what mainstream media says, you can’t do it all.
Think about it.
You have 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
In order to give 100% at work, at home, in your relationships, and to yourself, it’s essential to be conscious of how you’re investing your valuable time and energy.
So, be honest with yourself when you consider taking on additional obligations, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Realizing that you can’t do everything isn’t necessarily “bad.” And it’s useful to be aware of how you spend your time and energy.
That’s why understanding your values and priorities is essential. While you may not get to everything, you can at least fulfill what’s most important to you.
This naturally leads you to create stronger boundaries. You start distinguishing between meeting the needs and desires of others and fulfilling your own.
And when you clearly understand the moments when you’re caring for yourself and not caring for yourself, you can make decisions about what you allow to enter into your life.
#2 Say “No” to Others, Say “Yes” to Yourself
Saying “no” might not sound like self-care but it is. Because saying no is a gift to preserving your well-being and manifesting your priorities.
Each time you take on a new project, a new task, a new favor that’s outside your priorities, you’re taking time away from yourself.
And this may lead you to feeling resentful, annoyed and frustrated not only with other people, but with yourself.
Because you know better.
You know that you won’t have the time for healing and developing yourself when you’re giving it away freely to other people.
And that is why being ruthlessly honest with yourself is the first tip — your resources are limited and you want to conserve them for healing and self-growth.
Otherwise, you will say yes whenever somebody asks something of you.
“When we say yes to everything and do not set boundaries with people, we can feel stressed, overwhelmed, and burned out,” said Jennifer Rollin MSW, LCSW-C in Psychology Today.
Instead, flip the dynamic.
Instead, start saying “no” to others, so you can start saying “yes” to yourself. Each time you say yes to yourself — even if it’s declining someone else — it’s a vote for honoring your relationships, intimacy, honesty and the truth.
So, which things should you say “no” to?
Look at what’s most important to you.
If your current needs align with giving your body the rest it needs, then you might need to say “no” to drinks and dinner with friends and co-workers after a long day at the office.
If you want to start feeling more energy and vitality, it might mean improving your diet and getting at least eight hours of sleep each night.
Your values and priorities offer a guideline on how to invest your time.
#3 Make Self-Care Intentional
Your time is finite and if you don’t spend it mindfully, you’ll throw it away on activities that don’t align with your purpose.
(That often looks like hours of phone scrolling or staying up late binge-watching your favorite series!)
After creating stronger boundaries, be intentional about when you schedule your priorities into your life. Calendar blocking helps you maximize the precious time you have, so that you’re setting aside time to honor your needs.
Start with making a list of everything you do and the times you want to do it. Your calendar blocks might look like:
- 7:00 – 8:00: Morning routine
- 9:00 – 10:30: Work
- 10:30 – 10:15: Stretches during break
- 10:15 – 12:30: Work
- 12:30 – 1:00: Lunch and ten minute walk
- 1:00 – 3:30: Work
- 3:30 – 3:45: Stretches during break
- 3:45 – 5:30: Work
- 5:30 – 6:00: Commute home
- 6:00 – 6:30: Relax (you deserve it!)
- 6:30 – 7:30: Make dinner
- 7:30 – 9:00: Dinner and spend time with family
- 9:00 – 10:00: Self-care
This is only one example. You might need to make changes to accommodate when you wake up, work, and go to bed.
Calendar blocks are another way of creating healthy boundaries so that you’re creating space and time to honor your needs and priorities. Blocking even one hour for nightly relaxation and “me-time” can soothe your mind and body.
Dissolve Your Limiting Beliefs
Making self-care negotiable… Putting your needs secondary to others… Not valuing yourself…
These are all limiting beliefs that are obstructing your pathway to growth. And they didn’t show up overnight either. They slowly formed over years of…
- Telling yourself that other people’s needs come before yours
- Pushing self-care to tomorrow multiple times
- Not giving your strengths and self-worth recognition
What these things have in common is that your needs don’t matter. With a belief like this, you diminish your potential for growth and restrict your access to the lifestyle you desire.
Self-Care, Self-Love
Self-worth is the bedrock of personal development. It’s what empowers you to change your circumstances. Self-worth is what reminds you that you are worthy of manifesting and claiming the life you desire.
As a high-achieving and ambitious woman, you’re working hard. You set high standards for yourself and create incredible goals.
However, you might fall into the trap of tying your self-worth to those external achievements.
I can’t feel worthy until I get that job promotion.
I’ll finally feel worthy once I hit my goal weight.
If I could somehow match my lifestyle to hers, I’ll feel better about myself.
These are some of the things you might tell yourself every day when you step on the scale or even scroll through social media.
And if you fall short, you doubt your self-worth. You question your ability. And when this happens…
- You struggle with recognizing your strengths
- You give too much of yourself in your relationships
- You lower the bar on your goals and dreams
- You get caught in the trap of comparing yourself to others
And yet, your self-worth has nothing to do with external forces. There is already inherent beauty and value within you.
Imagine tapping into that inner value and using it to drive you forward? It could reduce all the doubt, uncertainty and friction preventing you from achieving the life you desire! Following the tips in this article will empower you to recognize and embrace your self-worth so you can claim a life of greater love, joy, and ease.
What is Self-Worth?
Seeing your self-worth is having the ability to value yourself. You recognize your strengths and your weaknesses and know deep down that you are worthy. You can tell yourself:
I have value. I am worthy of love. I am deserving of joy and ease.
As I mentioned earlier, self-worth isn’t tied to any external object or your immutable characteristics. But people mistakenly believe that self-worth is measured against the following criteria:
- Appearance
- Money
- Status
- Career success
- Youth
- Intellect
Imagine tying your self-worth to youth. Your self-worth would fluctuate daily, diminishing over time!
While some of the criteria above may be your personal priorities, none of them are essential for you to embrace your inherent self-worth.
Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
Self-worth and self-esteem are similar with some key differences.
Self-esteem easily shifts. Your low self-esteem might dip on a bad hair day and then skyrocket that same afternoon after nailing a presentation.
Self-worth runs deeper. It is profound and unflinching.
Self-worth is understanding every moment that your existence holds value, regardless of external changes or your present circumstances.
When you have a bad day, that’s all there is to it. You don’t blame yourself. You don’t wonder if you deserved it. You don’t question your worth.
You just had a bad day.
That’s the beauty of knowing your self-worth. They act like tree roots and keep you out of your self-imposed mind games and grounded in reality.
So, how do you recognize the foundation of self-worth that upholds you?
How to Tap Into the Self-Worth That Resides Within You
1. Imagine Taking Everything Away
Imagine everything was taken away from you — money, power, relationships, accomplishments.
All of it.
Gone.
Strip away the accessories and laurels and what is left?
You.
See, self-worth is about recognizing the value already present within you. Take away the glamor, wash off the makeup, and you find yourself.
Look at yourself as you are in this moment — not who you try to be or who you want to be.
Now, reflect on your unique strengths.
Do you have the boldness to try new things? Do you have an intense drive to love and provide for your family? Did you embody resilience and adapt to shifting circumstances during this crazy year?
You already have so many gifts. Your mind, voice, and characteristics all define who you are. And each of these things has inherent and incredible value.
When you know your self-worth, you don’t need wealth or any other external measurement to confirm it.
You are beautiful and worthy just as you are.
2. Don’t Let Your Weaknesses Define You
Every woman has strengths. And every woman has weaknesses.
No woman is perfect.
Yet, you might be trying to achieve some unrealistic standard and when you fall short, you feel like you’re lacking. You blame yourself and if you can just overcome these weaknesses, you can finally feel worthy.
This leads you to over-focus on everything you believe to be wrong with yourself. And when you define yourself by everything you aren’t, you lose sight of everything you are. In your pursuit for perfection, you forget about your self-worth.
Including verbal affirmations in your daily rituals can remind you of the incredible woman you are.
The trick to affirmations that work is to personalize them to counter an internalized belief you want to dissolve.
For example, let’s say your internalized belief is that you’re unworthy because your weaknesses are holding you back.
An affirmation you could say aloud is, “I am worthy. I possess strengths and gifts that enable me to achieve the life I desire.”
Your self-worth is already stirring within you. Sometimes, a verbal affirmation is the reminder you need to recognize it.
3. Reclaim Your Power
When you cannot recognize your self-worth, it is because you surrendered your power.
It didn’t happen overnight. It happened in several small actions throughout the years.
- When you chose to stay late at the office instead of being with your family.
- When you chose to skip your morning routine to lounge in bed and scroll through your phone.
- When you chose to stay silent even though you wanted to speak up for your values.
Do you know what all these actions have in common?
They don’t honor your needs and priorities.
And each time you don’t honor your needs, you give away your power. You tell yourself that you don’t matter. That you’re not worthy of being loved and cared for.
Eventually, you lose sight of your self-worth.
So, what’s the solution?
Make self-care non-negotiable.
Self-care is about sticking to your priorities and honoring them each day. It’s about setting a bedtime so you have enough energy to fulfill your priorities for the next day. It’s about taking time off for your body to rejuvenate itself.
Self-care not only helps you recognize your self-worth — it helps you nurture it. And when you finally make yourself a priority again, you reclaim the power you gave away over the years.
4. Know That You’re Enough
You might be measuring yourself against what you feel you should be — whether it’s expectations imposed by society, your friends and family, or yourself. When you judge that you have not met that standard, you feel like you’re not enough.
And when you hear a statement like “you’re perfect the way you are”, you believe it to be untrue.
However, here’s what you may be missing…
Recognizing your self-worth and having strong ambitions aren’t mutually exclusive.
You can feel worthy as you are in this moment while still moving forward in your personal development journey.
When you can accept this truth, you’ll be able to celebrate how worthy you are of living the life you desire.
Special note: I’m so excited to unveil a preview of Accelerated Evolution, a profoundly simple and effective coaching tool! Accelerated Evolution has changed my life and it could help you tap into the self-worth stirring within, so you feel greater satisfaction and drive in your life. I’m giving you the opportunity to have an experience of these powerful tools first-hand next Wednesday October 28th, during a FREE 90-minute interactive training, 5 Mistakes That Keep You Trapped In Struggle & Overwhelm (& What To Do Instead To Tap Into More Ease, Energy & Enjoyment!)
To learn more and join me and other women on similar journeys to your own, click here now to sign up for this complimentary interactive training, 5 Mistakes That Keep You Trapped In Struggle & Overwhelm (& What To Do Instead To Tap Into More Ease, Energy & Enjoyment!)
Self-Care, Self-Love
As a woman, it can often feel like your self-image is competing with the image of the “perfect woman” that mainstream media perpetuates.
A few decades ago, that image was mostly domestic, feminine, and submissive.
Today, that image has evolved into the “woman who can do it all.” She can raise her three children, run a successful business as a CEO and be a loving and supportive wife — all while looking like a Victoria Secret model.
Needless to say, this has created unrealistic expectations. And if you continuously measure yourself against these high standards, you might start…
- Criticizing your appearance
- Questioning your worth
- Feeling guilty about taking time for yourself
- Fearing other people’s opinions
- Feeling hopeless about yourself
These self-sabotaging thoughts slowly manifest in your reality. You may avoid experiences and meeting new people because you feel insecure. You might not communicate your needs to your partner because you feel undeserving. You don’t take time for yourself because you feel your well-being is secondary to other people’s needs.
So, you may replace your goals with wishes that you were somebody else… Somebody prettier or smarter or “more worthy”. Yet, the truth is that you are you.
Instead of wishing for a different life, what if you could accept yourself as you are? What if I told you that who you are at this moment is wonderful because you have amazing gifts that make you unique?
Imagine waking up each morning and looking at your reflection.
Instead of seeing what you lack or what you wish you could be, you see your true self. More than that, you accept and love the incredible woman looking back at you. This is self-acceptance. While it may sound like a simple solution to what you’re feeling, it’s not always the easiest.
If you’re feeling unhappy with yourself, this article is for you. We’ll explore why you may feel this way and actions you can take to accept yourself unconditionally.
What Is Self-Acceptance?
Accepting yourself unconditionally is exactly what it sounds like — embracing all aspects of who you are. This includes your best characteristics and some traits that might not be your favorite.
Learning self-acceptance is one of the most essential things you can do for yourself. It’s a message to yourself that you are always worthy of love, support, and kindness — on your best days and in your darkest moments.
Each morning you send yourself these messages, your life slowly shifts in a positive direction:
- You feel comfortable in your skin
- You feel deserving of unconditional love and acceptance
- Pessimism diminishes and optimism flourishes
- Your purpose feels clearer and more accessible
- You attract deep and high-quality relationships
Eventually, you create a deep well of abundance, love, and joy within you. The benefits of self-acceptance are so profound, yet so many women struggle with loving and accepting themselves.
Why is this?
Why You Might Be Unhappy With Yourself
Learning how to accept yourself unconditionally can be challenging. You work so hard caring for others and providing for your family. And you might tend to set impossibly high standards that leave you feeling lacking. In addition to this, some of the following may feel familiar to you:
- Excessive negative self-talk: Your thought streams are dominated by self-directed criticism and negativity. Continuous reminders of your flaws make them more prominent than they might actually be, making them difficult to accept.
- Living in the past and future: Past events may make you feel unworthy of self-acceptance and love. Or you may not feel like you can accept yourself until you achieve a future goal.
- Not practicing physical self-care: There is a powerful connection between your internal and external world. When you don’t take care of your physical body, it may create the unintended belief that you’re unworthy of kindness and acceptance.
- Surrounding yourself in negativity: Continuous exposure to negative sources, like pessimistic people or the news, can cultivate unwanted pessimism and irritability. This can leave you in an undesirable mindset where it may be difficult to accept yourself unconditionally.
- Using media to measure your worth: While female empowerment is praiseworthy, unrealistic expectations can sabotage your well-being. Yes, women can achieve amazing things, but that shouldn’t suggest women can do it all. This can be a hard truth to accept, especially if mainstream media tells you that you can and you should.
These are just a few sources of unhappiness that might be blocking you from embracing who you are. Once you recognize them in your life, try these tips to help you accept yourself fully.
How to Accept Yourself Unconditionally: 5 Ways to Help You Fully Embrace Who You Are in This Moment
#1 Forgive Yourself
Sometimes, the greatest obstacle to accepting yourself unconditionally is something you’re holding onto in the past.
Perhaps you disappointed yourself and feel you’re unworthy of love and acceptance. Or maybe you let somebody else down, and this made you question your value.
Whatever mistake you feel you’ve made, it’s time to let go.
“Mistakes are not a final destination but a stop that prepares us for the journey,” said Gustavo Razzetti in Psychology Today, “We must learn from them and continue moving forward.”
If a memory is holding you back, take a moment to reflect.
What happened? How do you feel about it? Why do you think you feel that way?
Now, find the lesson.
Even a painful memory bears the gift of wisdom, if you’re willing to hear it.
Then, close your eyes and tell yourself, That time has passed. I have learned from it, and it has strengthened me. I move on and embrace who I am in the present moment.
Release yourself from the shame and guilt and forgive yourself.
#2 Recognize Your Inner Critic
You’re often your greatest critic, and there are times when your negative self-dialogue can sound convincing.
To help you overcome your inner critic, try seeing her as a person separate from you.
Separating your inner critic from your identity will help you realize that you don’t actually think these negative things about yourself — it’s your inner critic talking!
This can help you take your self-directed criticism with a grain of salt. Also, it can help you balance that criticism with reminders of your strengths and gifts.
Accepting yourself unconditionally doesn’t mean ignoring all your perceived “flaws.” It means seeing the woman you are — strengths, weaknesses, and all — and loving her all the same.
#3 Overcome the Shame and Guilt of Self-Kindness
Self-acceptance can be challenging when we attach negative stigmas.
In today’s fast-moving culture, you might think that accepting yourself as you are right now is a sign of laziness or lack of ambition. You might even think it’s an act of self-kindness that is indulgent and shameful.
It’s time to shift that perspective.
Unconditional self-acceptance is a gateway to thriving and putting more positivity in your world.
When you accept yourself fully, you cultivate a healthier relationship with yourself. You’re more motivated. Happier. And purpose-driven.
Self-acceptance isn’t indulgent or shameful at all — it enables you to manifest your gifts, care for, and love yourself, and then create a well of abundance you can share with others.
#4 Embrace Where You Are in this Moment
Society might make it feel like you must meet certain milestones with arbitrary deadlines.
By 21, you’re finished with school. By 25, you’ve built a successful career. By 30, you’re settling down with a partner and children. And if you “fall behind schedule”, it feels like you’re failing.
As an ambitious woman, you might find it easy to fall prey to this type of thinking.
However, happiness and self-acceptance aren’t measured in external milestones. They are something you can experience at every stage of your journey — not just the destination.
You don’t have to wait to accept yourself until after you buy the big house or get the promotion. Nor do you have to compare your progress to the journey of the woman next to you.
You can feel happiness and self-acceptance right now, in this very moment.
#5 Tell Yourself You Are Deserving of Love and Joy
I’m serious. Say it out loud.
I deserve love and joy.
When you’re caught up in your negative self-dialogue, you might forget this. Over time, your negative inner chatter may harm your self-perception.
Yet, when you tell yourself that you deserve love and joy, you also tell yourself that you are capable of change.
You are capable of growth.
Even if you might struggle with loving yourself consistently, you can take steps each day toward accepting yourself unconditionally.
And if you need support in that journey towards self-love and self-acceptance, I’m here to walk alongside you. After all, a little guidance can make all the difference in achieving the life you desire. When you’re ready, claim a Complimentary 60-minute “Accepting Yourself Breakthrough” Discovery session with me.
In this 60-minute consultation, you’ll:
- Reveal a clear and compelling vision of what else is possible for your life when you’re no longer beating yourself up and, instead, are holding yourself with compassion
- Get simple and practical tips for how to accept yourself unconditionally
- Tap into greater love, ease, and joy
- Explore how having a partner on your journey will provide a shortcut to all that you desire.
Click here now to claim your Complimentary “Accepting Yourself Breakthrough” Discovery session.
Burnout, Overwhelm, Self-Care, Self-Love
Do most days feel like a struggle just to make it to the end?
You’re overworked and overwhelmed. Even laying your tired head against your soft pillow does little to diminish the buzzing in your head.
Deep down, you know the remedy has nothing to do with the softness of your pillow. The more likely culprit is that you’re neglecting your well-being.
You’re not making YOU a priority.
You already know that taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually is critical. Each is a pillar to well-being — when one falls, the others are soon to follow.
So why do you continuously swing back and forth between periods of overwork and overwhelm to “catching up” on sleep and relaxation? Play this game for long enough and you’ll seriously burn out.
Follow the tips in this article and you could finally break that cycle and make self-care a daily priority.
Truly Understanding the Consequences of Self-Neglect
Are you experiencing any of these symptoms of self-neglect?
- You’re on autopilot: Your day feels like a blur. You’re going through the motions, each action absent of creativity, purpose, or joy.
- Other people’s needs come before yours: You continuously serve others before serving yourself. Now you’re noticing that your well is drying up and you have nothing left to give.
- Every day feels like playing catch-up: It feels like you’re always behind in attending to your responsibilities, and you just can’t catch up. This frantic pace keeps you feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
- Your mind swings between haze and chaos: Some days, you feel like you’re trapped in a thick brain fog. Other days, you feel like your mind is racing at a thousand miles an hour.
- You’re physically burned out: Long-term stress and overwhelm lead to body aches, muscle tension, and low energy. Your mental and emotional overwhelm have become physical manifestations.So often, we get stuck in autopilot, scrambling to get things done, and we don’t notice muscle tension or mental exhaustion until it’s too late.
So often, we get stuck in autopilot, scrambling to get things done, and we don’t notice muscle tension or mental exhaustion until it’s too late.
Recall the times within the past few months when you’ve experienced these symptoms. Remember the heaviness in your lids as you pushed yourself to work another hour. Experience the haze in your mind as you reread the same sentence over and over. Feel the intense desire to stay in bed, so you could hide from the day’s responsibilities.
I ask you to relive these scenarios because this is what happens when you neglect your body. These are the risks you assume when you “postpone” self-care.
Maintaining your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health is not a chore to push aside. It’s not a thing on your to-do list that you’ll get to “when you have time.”
Your body is a living organism worth honoring — not another item on your checklist.
Yet, why do you continue in these self-sabotaging cycles?
Why Do We Continue to Neglect Our Well-Being (Even When We Know Better)?
Much of it has to do with guilt or shame around valuing yourself.
Often, people mistakenly believe that self-care and self-compassion are selfish. After all, shouldn’t you focus your energy on helping others rather than yourself?
If you’ve been putting self-care on the back burner, you might be feeding this negative stigma. However, this mindset is working against you.
“When we fill our time with responsibilities and constantly prioritize the needs of others over our own, we can drain ourselves of energy and desire,” says Lisa Firestone, Ph.D. in Psychology Today.
Caring for yourself is one of the most incredible things you can do for yourself and others. When you empower yourself, you’ll have greater strength, energy, and desire to share your gifts with the people around you.
Each time you find yourself feeling guilty, tell yourself, When I care for and love myself, I am better able to care for and love others.
But self-care isn’t going to magically weave itself into your daily life. These tips will help you take conscious actions that make your well-being a priority every single day.
3 Tips That Encourage You To Make YOU a Priority
#1 Check in With Your Body More Often
A common reason why you might be pushing yourself too hard is that you don’t listen to what your body is saying until it’s too late. This often happens when your brain runs on autopilot — each day blurs into the next, as you focus on checking things off your to-do list.
A mental body scan helps you tune into your body. Follow these steps to help you experience what your body is telling you:
- Lay down.
- Take several deep breaths into your belly, breathing in through your nose and exhaling slowly from your mouth.
- Bring awareness to your toes. Observe any sensations such as tingling, pain, or tightness.
- As you become conscious of these sensations, breathe into them and notice what occurs. You may feel the sensation subside or even receive a message from this area.
- Repeat this process throughout your body, moving from your toes to the crown of your head.
Try doing this once each day – find a time that works best for you.
The more you listen to your body, the better you will understand what it’s asking of you. For example, a tense neck and shoulders might tell you to stretch more if you’re sitting at a desk all day. Or you might get the message to drink more water.
#2 Make Weekly Appointments with YOURSELF
Lack of time is one reason why so many women fail to take care of their bodies. That’s why I recommend putting it as a non-negotiable event on your calendar.
You make appointments with your doctor, attend meetings for work, and show up for family-related events.
You’re always showing up for others. What about showing up for yourself?
Prioritizing yourself is about putting YOU on your calendar and showing up on time, ready to care and love yourself.
Therefore, set a dedicated time for self-care. I’m serious! Go to your calendar and write in “self-care”. It may be your entire Saturday, or it may be for an hour every day after work. Try experimenting and choose what works for you.
But most importantly, stick to your self-care appointments. Some days, it may be tempting to cancel on yourself and squeeze in another hour of work. However, self-care will only make a noticeable difference when you declare it as a non-negotiable practice in your life.
#3 Seek Support When You Need It
Earlier, we talked about feeling guilt or shame around valuing yourself. You may feel similar emotions when asking for help.
Instead of relying on the help of others, you attempt to shoulder everything yourself.
But receiving help isn’t a sign of weakness. In fact, asking for help can be one of the kindest things you choose for yourself because it helps you show up even more for those you love. If you’re still struggling to make yourself a priority (even though you’re aware it’s what you truly need to do), getting more support may be exactly what’s required for you to experience more balance and fulfillment.
So, if you’re practicing self-care regularly and not experiencing the peace and renewal you desire… Or if you need more guidance to bring additional structure and balance into your life…
Ask for the assistance you need and allow yourself to receive it.
If you’re ready to overcome self-neglect and embrace self-care as a lifestyle, and require additional support, claim a Complimentary “Prioritize Yourself Breakthrough” Discovery session with me.
In this 60-minute consultation, you’ll:
- Reveal a clear and compelling vision of what else is possible for your life when you’re no longer neglecting yourself
- Get simple and practical tips for how to prioritize yourself with ease (starting immediately)
- Tap into self-care for greater energy, ease, and joy
- Explore how having a partner on your journey will provide a shortcut to all that you desire.
Click here now to claim your Complimentary “Prioritize Yourself Breakthrough” Discovery session.
Special note: I’m so excited to unveil a preview of Accelerated Evolution, my most effective coaching tool! Accelerated Evolution has changed my life and can change yours too. That’s why, at the end of the month, I’ll give you an opportunity to have an experience of these tools firsthand. So stay tuned…
And in the meantime, if you’re ready to find out how these tools can help you now, click here to schedule a “Breakthrough Struggle to Claim Ease” Discovery session with me.
