Self-Fulfillment, Self-Love
What is your definition of success?
If you’re anything like me…
If you’re an accomplisher…
If you’re a high achiever…
Then you thrive on challenges and getting results. By the time I was 24, I was a successful financial advisor and, shortly after that, became my company’s youngest branch manager. My life was the adventure of constantly attaining higher goals and making more money than the men in my field.
Like a horse with blinders, I was completely focused on what was ahead, what I could get done, and the next milestone to conquer so I could receive the attention I craved. With each new achievement came another surge of adrenaline, my mind sent out signals of gratification, triggering dopamine sensors, and encouraging happiness.
Yet the recognition and the highs were short-lived, so I constantly needed another “success” fix. Because each new accomplishment rewarded me with the feeling of success and, therefore, happiness. However, the relationship between success and happiness is more complicated than merely an action gratified by a feeling.
Is your happiness driven by an ongoing series of one-time successes?
If the foundation of your happiness is ongoing achievement, it may be time to delve into what will bring you long-lasting happiness.
There are three basic types of happiness: pleasure, passion, and purpose. Pleasure gives you an instant reward such as a tasty meal or a great song. Although pleasure is important to your well-being, it doesn’t provide long-term joy. Passion comes from being part of something you love – creating art, participating in a group activity, or enjoying your favorite sport – and can bring more consistent joy. The third type of happiness is purpose. To have a purpose is to find greater meaning in your existence. This can evoke a deep sense of fulfillment and an innate feeling of joy.
When happiness is based on the rush of excitement from accomplishment, it provides pleasure yet not necessarily passion or purpose. When that moment of happiness is over, you must move on to the next accomplishment, then the next after that to continue to feel happiness. There are more effective and longer lasting ways to find happiness. When you expand beyond the inclination to check boxes, a deeper and more meaningful sense of happiness will emerge.
As you redefine what success means for you, incorporate all three types of happiness into your journey. Pleasure may be the only type of happiness gained from what you currently consider “success”. When you shift your definition of success to include passion and purpose, you will possess a roadmap to true happiness.
Evoke passion and purpose in your life by redefining your idea of success.
Step #1 – Categorize
Separate your life into categories. I consider the foundational Fs: faith, family, friendships, finance, fitness, fulfillment, and fun. Choose those that are most predominant in your life or use them all. You may even find that as you look at these categories, there’s some overlap.
Some examples:
Fitness
Eating habits, exercise, and care for your mind and body.
Finance/Career
How you earn and manage your money.
Family/Friendships
How you manage your relationships.
Faith/Fun
How you support and care for your spirit.
Step #2 – Create new goals
Create new goals for these categories that include passion and purpose.
This could look like:
Fitness/Health
Joining a sports team or group activity with friends or coworkers. Being part of a group will ignite passion towards your health goals.
Finance/Career
Pursuing additional education and expanding your expertise to get a raise, a promotion, or to become an entrepreneur doing something you truly love and with greater purpose.
Family/Friendships
Putting more energy into deepening your relationships allows you to experience greater passion and supports your emotional needs.
As you redefine your goals to include passion and purpose, your idea of success may change form. This shift in perspective can provide you with a roadmap to happiness. However, redefining success may not necessarily be a smooth ride. Whenever you make changes, it’s not unusual to experience challenges or setbacks.
As you define your new meaning for success you may notice…
Obstacles
Look at obstacles as opportunities to grow and build upon your passion for change.
Detours
Redefining what success means to you may lead down a road with twists and turns. It may mean a shifting in direction to explore different areas and try new ideas before one feels right.
Comparison or judgment
Just because someone else appears happy in their success doesn’t mean you’ll be happy with what they have. Stay focused on yourself without judgment and release the desire to compare your journey with others.
Success looks different to each individual. What matters most is that your definition of success brings you joy. As you uplevel your goals to include passion and purpose, your idea of success may change form and provide your roadmap to true happiness.
Self-Fulfillment, Self-Love
Being stress-free.
Enjoying a life of ease.
Sounds appealing, doesn’t it?
Although as a successful, high-achieving woman, this might seem to conflict with the “reality” of your busy schedule.
If “too busy” is your mantra, I encourage you to take on a new perspective. The mindset that enjoying a life of ease can be quite simple.
I used to rush from one thing to the next, oblivious to the beauty of my life and surroundings. Though I made great strides in my professional life, my well-being was negatively impacted by my belief that I was “too busy” and needed to work hard to achieve.
After reaching my breaking point, I experienced levels of fatigue that eventually led to immobilizing burnout. My struggle to overcome burnout merely aggravated my condition. So, I chose to embrace a different perspective… one of mindfulness.
With my new approach of mindfulness, the practice of meditative living brought me greater ease and flow. My quality of life was also enriched through simple nuances that brought joy and inner peace to my Being.
The key to mindfulness is to focus on the present moment and your breathing. When you adopt this perspective of mindfulness, ANY task can become a practice of meditative living.
Benefits of embracing a meditative life
Reduced stress and an invitation to calm
When actions are done mindfully, you are focused on the present task. There’s no chaos in your mind from unwanted thoughts. This is because there’s no angst about the future, and no worry from the past, thus reducing stress and inviting calm into your body.
Greater clarity
Intrusive thoughts no longer control your mind when you practice meditation during your daily actions. Simply breathing and focusing on the intention to mindfully be in the present allows you to see life more clearly.
Increased happiness
With a mindful perspective, you become more aware of the presence of joy. You notice the harmonious sounds around you, the brightness of colors, the warmth of contentment, and the happiness of your Self and others. Gratitude is increasingly more present in a meditative life.
How to embrace a meditative life
As you approach tasks, don’t rush. Do them intentionally. Don’t think of what is next or what happened before. If you find your mind jumping ahead to the next task, take a breath and bring yourself back to the present moment.
Take time to notice the details of the moment. A cool breeze blowing through the window as you work, the precision in which your pen writes, or the joyous laughter from your colleagues down the hall. Honor what makes each moment unique.
Appreciate the moment. Be thankful to the people in your life who offer support. Acknowledge and give thanks for the food you eat, the clothes you wear, and the roof over your head. Expressing gratitude for even the smallest things invites greater joy and ease into your life.
Turning tasks into meditative practices
Work
Sometimes we must complete a less desirable task. Approaching each task with a mindful, meditative perspective gives it a new brilliance. Take note of the details of your surroundings while you work. Perhaps the air is warm against your skin or a bird sings a song in the distance. Light a candle so a pleasant aroma enhances your workspace or open a window to let the breeze in. Take notice of what can make the moment more enjoyable.
Cooking
Not everyone loves to cook. Especially after a long day, cooking might be the last thing you want to do. However, turning this potentially unappealing task into a meditative practice can set you free from the ‘obligation’. Put on music, breathe, and savor the enticing aromas. Enjoy the warm dishwater on your hands as you tidy up, and be grateful for the delicious meal.
Social interaction
Social interaction can be taxing at times. It might feel like an obligation to make time for a friend or family when you have a lot on your plate. When you can approach this interaction as a meditative practice, it shifts your perspective to one of gratitude for that relationship. Slow down, take time to listen, and be present. This allows you to appreciate and truly enjoy each moment with them.
Self-Care
Self-Care is vital to our well-being. However, it can often be regarded as another ‘to do’. When you practice self-care, truly immerse yourself. This is your time, embrace it fully.
No matter how busy you are, being intentional and mindful allows you to embrace life with a new perspective. Meditative living can be simple, bringing ease and joy to everyday tasks.
A life of ease and joy starts with your mindset. Is it time for a change in perspective?
Self-Fulfillment, Self-Love
Let’s dive into New Year resolutions…this time with a new perspective.
A new year is beginning, along with the opportunity to start over, try new things, expand your interests, and adapt to new outlooks.
You may even have already prepared your long list of new year’s goals, such as: leadership or professional development, career advancement, home improvements, or growing your network of relationships. As a successful, high-achieving woman, you may even have begun checking these items off your list.
Does any of this sound familiar?
I used to have a long list of new year resolutions at the end of December and would then work to complete each item during the following year. My addiction to achievement constantly pushed me to be more productive and move myself forward. It also left me feeling that something was missing.
However, I now have a new life perspective. This has provided me greater success with more significance and without the sacrifice of my health and wellbeing.
One of the keys to this new life perspective is identifying and practicing balance. My mentor, Satyen Raja, taught me about the 5 Fs and how important it is to focus on each in order to find true balance and fulfillment.
The 5 Fs are Faith, Family, Finance, Fitness, and Fun. And now, I set annual intentions, instead of resolutions. By focusing on these five areas when planning my year, I find that I’m more intentional, balanced and joyful.
I’ve noticed that many successful high-achieving women do not include faith and fun when planning their year. For me, faith means spirituality and fun means time with family and friends. However, until several years ago, I was guilty of not prioritizing either of these areas when planning for the year ahead.
Today, I will share why and how to benefit by including faith in planning your new year.
An important part of personal growth comes from your inner perspectives and what you believe in — your faith. However, your faith doesn’t need to be religious, rigid, or worshipping.
You can simply embark on a spiritual journey. A spiritual faith encompasses all religions, appreciates all aspects of life, and gives a positive new perspective by connecting you to something greater than yourself. It can provide the resources to find your purpose and discover the meaning of life.
Spirituality is a highly effective path to self-discovery. This may be why people are beginning to embrace spirituality as a part of their faith, as 1 in 5 Americans today identify themselves as spiritual.
As you choose to allot time to connect with your own form of faith, you’ll find that new perspectives become available in all aspects of your life.
How To Discover Your Spirituality
1. Practice acceptance
A great way to start your spiritual journey is to accept the things you can’t control. Consciously accepting things to be as they will help you embrace a spiritual mindset. Let others be who they are. You can’t expect to control the world around you, what others do or how they act. Accept what is. You will benefit from whatever is meant for you. So, let yourself make mistakes, forgive yourself for doing so, and move on.
2. Exercise mindfulness
Spirituality is about awareness. Practicing mindfulness is a great way to enhance your awareness. You can choose mindfulness through meditation, yoga, or journaling. Or simply practice being present in each moment and with each action you take.
3. Choose to see the positive
“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” ~ Albert Einstein. Spirituality embraces a positive outlook on life. When you choose to see the good in daily occurrences and the intentions of others, you remain open to the truth. Choosing to see the positive is a spiritual practice. It allows you to move beyond judgment and see the deeper beauty of your surroundings.
4. Change your environment
A great way to find a new perspective is to change the scenery around you. It may not be feasible to take a vacation to a new place each time you want to change your environment. However, simply connecting with nature, going for a walk, or exploring a new place in your own city are all great ways to connect with your spirituality. Seeing and experiencing something different can help feed a fresh mindset and invite a new perspective to your life.
Connecting with your higher Self is a life-long journey. To stay on this path, it’s essential to be consistent with your spiritual practice. This is key to cultivating a more enlightened perspective.
As you unfold your spirituality, you’ll begin to notice certain things…
Flow of creativity
When you engage in mindfulness such as yoga, meditation, or journaling, your creative imagination begins to thrive. Through this connection with your spiritual Self, you’ll also have more original ideas and experience greater clarity of thought.
Physical energy
When you practice a spiritual faith, you’re more apt to see the good and maintain a more positive mindset. As you increasingly see the positive truths of the Universe, there is decreased resistance within and your physical body responds with greater energy.
Calm
Practicing acceptance will give you a sense of calm. Adopt the mindsets of, “It is what it is” and “What will be will be”, and you will eliminate the struggle of resistance and the need to control. You will feel at ease despite any challenges that occur, knowing that you’ll be able to move past them.
Spirituality can help you develop a more positive mindset. A new perspective in this new year might be all you need to shift your relationships, career, wellbeing, and more.
Put spirituality on your list of new year’s intentions and see what new perspectives come to light!
Self-Fulfillment, Self-Love
“Authenticity and knowing who you are is fundamental to being an effective and long-standing leader.” – Ann Fudge
The modern day woman inspires.
She’s relentless, driven, and thrives on success.
She’s a powerful leader.
According to the 2020 Women in Business Report by Grant Thornton, women represent 29% percent of North America’s senior management and directors. That’s almost one third of senior leadership positions across North America.
As high-achieving women in these positions, we can be so driven to reach higher levels of success that we lose sight of what we’re sacrificing in the process.
Consider some of the great leaders of our times: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Marie Curie, Eleanor Roosevelt and Oprah Winfrey, to name a few. Leading by example, they’ve paved the way for a genuine management style to emerge. Today’s authentic leaders are mindful, transparent, and honest, drawing others to them like magnets.
A great leader is one who achieves success with significance, making a memorable impact on the lives of others.
Yet, as a high achiever, the drive to persevere and grow can come with sacrifice – your family, your free time, your health. By accessing your inner Self, you can find balance and authentically engage with what’s meaningful to you.
Let’s explore how to strengthen your authentic Self, so you more effectively lead to achieve success with significance…
What are the qualities of an authentic leader?
Strong Values
My previous article Your Core Values: How Do They Align With Your Authentic Self? shared the importance of defining your core values and what can occur when your values conflict. As you realize and live according to your core values, they will authentically integrate with your leadership style.
Consistency
Say something and follow through. People expect your actions to match your words. They’ll notice your honesty and appreciate it. When people trust you, new opportunities arise.
Vision
Envisioning your future can help set a clear picture of who you want to be. Your vision will help you choose and align with your most authentic values. Setting long term goals to pave the way to your future vision will motivate you and those you lead.
Self-Awareness and Vulnerability
Are you able to recognize and acknowledge your mistakes? Self-awareness and vulnerability are two key qualities of an authentic leader. Yet, it’s essential that you regularly assess your values and goals in order to stay true to these characteristics.
Individuality
Your uniqueness is what sets you apart from others. It’s what makes you stand out as a leader. Maintain your individuality and express it! Your authenticity will position you as a role model to others.
How to evolve your authenticity to improve your leadership:
Hold Strong Values
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- Make a list of values that you align with. Choose a few top qualities. If you’re choosing from too many, it will be hard to adhere to them.
- Recognize other leaders and embody the attributes you admire. Think of individuals who have made a difference in your life, or people who stood out in their roles as leaders. Take note of what draws you to them and apply it to your own leadership style.
Regularly Assess
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- Contemplate your past experiences and how you feel about them. What would your authentic self have done in those same situations? Maybe you could have taken different actions. Or you might have successes that you haven’t fully acknowledged. Make sure to celebrate those now.
- Take time to reflect at the end of each day. Be mindful of the impact your actions had on you and others. Did these actions truly match your chosen values? If not, your review of each day will help you realign with your authentic self.
As you embody the qualities of an authentic leader, you will possess what it takes to lead without sacrificing yourself. Authenticity is crucial to being a successful leader. Abiding by your values and integrating them into your leadership style will set you apart from others. Take the time to assess your authenticity and discover the powerful leader within.
Want to hear more about how to evolve as a powerful leader? Click here to join the waitlist for the Success Without Sacrifice Experience and to receive additional information.
Being mindful of how you lead will transform you into a truly amazing, authentic leader!
Self-Care, Self-Fulfillment, Self-Love
Core values…
How do you define yours?
An authentic you starts with realizing and aligning with your core values.
Authenticity means to be true to one’s character. It is about sharing your uniqueness with the world and living genuinely.
Presenting yourself authentically, especially in authority positions, can be a challenge at times. If you’re questioning your authenticity the answer can reside in how deeply you’re aligned with your core values.
When you live according to your principles, an authentic YOU emerges.
From time to time, it can be good practice to assess the principles we adhere to. This helps us preclude the challenge of conflicting values.
For instance, you value financial freedom and want to start your own business yet you also value quality time with your family. Starting a business could conflict with spending more time with your family.
Or, you value quality “me” time and desire to be more mindful. However, your favorite way to decompress after a hard day is watching TV or playing Candy Crush. See the conflict?
You value freedom and fulfillment, yet you work so hard to achieve it that you burn out instead. Thus, you never reach your intended goal.
Living authentically starts when you take the time to assess your core values. Only then is it possible to integrate your actions with your values. So what happens when your core values conflict? How do you fully express your authenticity? How do you choose your path?
Start by acknowledging the conflict that arises within…
Symptoms of conflicting core values
Paralysis
When these conflicts occur, you’ll find yourself uncertain as to which direction to take. This can result in paralysis and failure to take any action at all.
Misunderstandings
It’s difficult to convey your wishes when your values are conflicting. If you’re communicating two opposing desires, the message will be unclear and others are likely to misunderstand.
Overwhelm
You’re being pulled in opposing directions and attempting to satisfy more than one outcome simultaneously. The result can be chaos and overwhelm.
Strong Emotions
Your mind becomes a place of anxiety, doubt, stress and overload because you can’t decide which action is most authentic. Your constant questioning can bring up a lot of unfavorable emotions.
The occurrence of any of these symptoms may be the result of conflicting values. Changing the way you look at your ‘conflicting values’ releases associated stress and allows you to gain a more positive outlook. Adapting insight to your core values and how they affect your actions helps you grow into your authentic YOU.
Here are two steps to help you overcome conflicting values…
Step 1: Make sure your values serve you needs
The first step in eliminating internal conflict between opposing values is deciding whether or not any of these values serve you. Take a look at your needs and desires. How does each value benefit you? If you’re not holding onto a value to assist your self-development, it’s probably not one worth keeping. Remember that your values shape your authenticity and an authentic you paves the way for self-growth and inner power. If the value doesn’t reflect that, then it’s not cultivating your authenticity.
Step 2: Change the mindset and let one help the other
Most likely if you have two conflicting values, they are conflicting because you truly want both. Eliminating one may seem impossible.
Step 2 is all about your outlook and transforming your mindset to help one value assist the other. Let’s say you want to save some money. The value of supporting yourself financially is important to you. However you seek this value because you want to buy the things you desire, which creates a conflict between saving and spending.
What if you opened your mind to a different outlook on this ‘conflicting set of values’? These opposing objectives could support each other. You could adjust your budget allowing for both saving and spending simultaneously. Find the balance of planning your financial resources – save some for later while enjoying some now.
When you choose to look at one value as supporting the next, you eliminate the conflict. This change of mindset will free you of stress and self-doubt, because it will allow you to move towards mindfulness and clarity. With a clear mind, you’ll be able to experience more authentic decisions that support growth.
An authentic YOU starts with deep insight into your core values. When you’re feeling any sort of self-doubt, overwhelm, or stress, it might be a sign that your core values are conflicting. Start moving towards your authentic Self by extinguishing this internal conflict. Make sure your values serve your needs, then change your mindset to let these values support your personal growth.
Small shifts in perspective can lead to big changes, allowing your authenticity to be more fully revealed.
Self-Care, Self-Fulfillment, Self-Love
Live Your Legacy and Fulfillment Will Follow
How do you want to be remembered?
You’re a driven woman who has a desire to accomplish a lot in this life — a high achiever. As a high achiever, you want to leave your mark on the world.
Your legacy is your pride and joy.
A legacy represents how you share your gifts with others. It’s the contributions you make during your lifetime. Your legacy is defined by the impact you make on humanity and the world. Yet there’s more to a legacy.
More than leaving your mark on the world, a legacy is about living with purpose. By defining how you want to make your impact, you bring your purpose into being. When you choose to experience your greatest desires, purpose provides an abundance of joy and fulfillment.
Think of how you want to be remembered and the essence you seek to embody in your life and beyond. How will that affect others?
Having both purpose and passion in your life can lead you to your legacy.
For example, a passion for the earth could lead you to start a conservation program in your community. Or a passion for cooking could lead you to pass down a book of recipes to your children. Your legacy will take shape through your passion and purpose.
And although a legacy is about leaving an imprint when you’re gone, it is more importantly about experiencing joy and fulfillment as you choose to live your purpose.
Define Your Legacy
Start to define your legacy by working backwards. Start by imagining your 70-year-old Self and then answer the following questions as if you were your 70-year-old-self.
Where are you?
Did you relocate to the tropics to live on a beach? Or did you stay in your hometown, close to the things and people you are familiar with? A clear picture of where you end up might help you to see your end goal and how to reach it.
Who are you with?
Family, a partner, or maybe on your own. The legacy you pursue will shape the connections you make with others. If you pursue a career that has you traveling throughout the world and you’re comfortable being independent, the legacy you seek will most likely involve solitude at an elderly age. On the other hand, maybe your family is your legacy and you picture yourself surrounded by them at age 70.
Or maybe you’ve become a zoophilist and your legacy has given you the opportunity to remain with the pets you’ve loved and cared for over the years. The companionship you’ve imagined yourself with will help you put in perspective the legacy you want to leave.
What are you doing?
I know women who are still happily working at 70-years-old and those who are joyfully retired. Perhaps you imagine yourself still working in your later years, continuing your passion for as long as possible. Or, perhaps the contrary. At 70 you’d like to be done with work completely, feeling satisfied with your efforts from years of dedication. Either way, think of the activities you’d also like to experience. Almost all of us have a bucket list. Are you taking action towards fulfilling yours?
How are you feeling?
To visualize yourself feeling joy at 70 can be a powerful manifestation. Relate back to my previous article Visualization For Greater Clarity: Aligning with Your True Desires for a deeper understanding of the power of manifestation. Imagine the emotions you desire to experience. Do you feel loved? Powerful? Relaxed? These emotions will remind you of the legacy you’re creating.
Working backwards by imagining your future self is a great exercise to help you define your legacy. Hold onto that image.
Obstacles that might keep you from living your legacy
Lack of focus
You’re not lacking in drive. However, are you focusing your energy in the right areas? Make sure you’re taking care of yourself first, so you keep your energy up. When you keep your energy up and invest it in the right areas, you can feel more fulfillment while moving towards your legacy. Visualizing your legacy will also help you maintain focus as you work towards your goals.
Urgency
Sometimes life can feel like a race against yourself. Slow down. Take time for yourself. A legacy is about living the life you want to live, thus feeling that sense of fulfillment. That can’t happen if you’re not pausing to take care of yourself. Acknowledge and celebrate the moments of success before moving on to your next project or goal.
Letting others tell you what you “should” be doing
Disconnect from expectations. This is your journey, your life, and your legacy. Avoid the opinions and assumptions of others. Stay true to yourself. Meditation, yoga, reading, or journaling are all great examples of actions you can take to help you stay connected to your true Self.
What’s Your Legacy?
A legacy is about enjoying fulfillment as you move towards your life’s purpose. Keep your end goal in mind. Visualize your 70-year-old self and the above questions: where, who, what and how. They will guide you to find your purpose and live a life that moves you towards your legacy.
If you are seeking a life of fulfillment, take actions towards your legacy today!
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