Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough?
Are you driven to achieve in order to prove that you’re enough?
The difference between healthy and low self-esteem
The word “esteem” means to regard favorably. Self-esteem is how you regard yourself. It’s your sense of self, how you rate yourself as a human being, how worthy you feel you are. Self-esteem refers to your acceptance of yourself and the value you place on yourself.
Healthy self-esteem exists when you possess a positive and realistic sense of who you are, understand your strengths, and like yourself despite your weaknesses.
On the other hand, when you have low self-esteem you are critical of yourself, focus on your negatives, and ignore your achievements. If this describes you, you’re not alone. Low self-esteem is a common challenge – regardless of age, background, or socioeconomic status.
Tracing low self-esteem to your childhood
Low self-esteem can often be traced back to childhood. It can be common if you come from a background where you were told you weren’t good enough, were made to feel unlovable, or suffered through a traumatic event.
If you experienced any of these things growing up, it’s possible that your desire for success is driven by low self-esteem. And you might not be aware of this or willing to admit it out loud, because the outside world views you as a confident and successful woman. This could make you uncomfortable admitting that you have fears or inner doubts.
When you stop long enough to be vulnerable and acknowledge what’s true, you may see that no matter how much you succeed, it’s never enough. You’re continuously striving for the next goal. And you may begin to realize that one of the reasons you are doing this is to prove something to the outer world.
If you’re wondering how I know this…
I’ve lived it. For my first 27 years, from the time I was born until a couple of years before he died, my father showed no interest in me. So, I was driven to achieve in my efforts to prove that I was good enough, lovable enough, and worthy enough for my father’s attention. And no matter what goal I accomplished, it wasn’t enough.
Of course, this made me highly successful in life. It also led me to experience burnout. And it taught me that childhood experiences can influence your level of self-esteem.
However, it’s not unusual to develop self-esteem issues in adulthood too. Any time you go through a difficult situation, it can affect the way you see yourself. For example, if you lose your job, go through a divorce or file bankruptcy, you may internalize this experience and believe it’s your fault… that you caused this bad thing to occur.
Yet regardless of whether your experience of low self-esteem stems from childhood or adulthood, I’ve learned that there’s a lot you can do as an adult to boost your confidence.
Below are twelve ideas that you can apply to your own circumstances to overcome low self-esteem. Use what resonates with you.
Build your self-esteem by embracing these tips
1. Set boundaries
Let others know how you wish to be treated. Remove yourself from relationships and situations that cause unnecessary stress and interfere with your well-being. Instead, develop stable and mutually supportive relationships. Surround yourself with positive people, including family and friends who are encouraging and appreciate you for who you are.
2. Learn to accept compliments
If you’re fortunate enough to have positive influences in your life, listen to them when they say you’ve done a good job. If you were undeserving of the praise, you wouldn’t be getting it. So, resist the urge to dismiss compliments. Instead, smile and say, “Thank you.” Accepting compliments will help you discover what you’re good at and strengthen your self-confidence.
3. Advocate for yourself
Ask for help when you need it. Be willing to say “No.” It’s natural to feel bad about yourself when you agree to do things you don’t want to do, because you’re disrespecting yourself. So refuse requests when you genuinely don’t want to do them. Give yourself the respect and compassion you deserve.
4. Prioritize yourself
Make your mental and physical health a top priority. Eat nutritious foods, exercise regularly, and sleep well. Treat your time like a precious resource. Plan your days and block time for the activities you love. Investing in yourself helps you to stay strong and maximize your potential.
5. Embrace your individuality
You’re much more interesting than the person you pretend to be. We develop the urge to conform in elementary school. But you’re not like everyone else. You’re unique. You’ll make more friends and have more influence if you respect your unique gifts and are willing to be yourself. Authenticity is the basis of true confidence.
6. Avoid “shoulding” on yourself
If you’re constantly telling yourself, “I should have done this” or “I should have said that”, you’re focusing on things that have already happened and you’re unable to change. Remember that self-esteem is a symptom of detrimental thinking habits. Anything said or done in the past is over. You only keep those things alive with your thoughts. Instead, plan for the future. Uplift your thinking and your self-esteem will rise as well.
7. Set reasonable expectations
Accept that human beings make mistakes. If you’re unwilling to accept anything less than perfection from yourself, you’ll feel discouraged when you inevitably make a mistake. Don’t let mistakes get you down. Remember that every mistake you make is a chance to learn and grow.
8. Recognize and celebrate your accomplishments
If your self-esteem is lacking, you might spend a lot of time focusing on the negative. Instead, acknowledge your accomplishments and allow yourself to be happy. It’s okay to be proud of yourself.
9. Make a list of all your best qualities
When you have low self-esteem, you focus on the things you dislike about yourself. Instead, write down your strengths, skills, talents, and positive personality traits. Taking some time to focus on your good qualities can have a very positive effect.
10. Avoid comparing yourself to others
It can be easy to get into a habit of comparing yourself negatively to other people. Instead, remember that you are unique. And know that your self-esteem comes from within. So, you can choose how you see yourself. Choose to see an attractive, thoughtful, intelligent, and caring person.
11. Use affirmations
Affirmations are great self-esteem boosters. They show your brain what you already know you can achieve. Read affirmations on subjects of your choice or write your own. Affirmations bring positive energy into the present moment.
12. Get a life coach or a spiritual counselor
These are professionals who empower you to deepen your relationship with yourself. They partner with you to create strategies that target your unique skills and gifts. They’re like a supportive friend, only better! Because they are experts, guiding you to enhance every aspect of your life on your journey toward success, so you can maximize your full potential, reach your desired results, and attain greater fulfillment. In this day and age, it is extremely common for any successful individual to have a coach or counselor guiding them, so there’s no need to be embarrassed about seeking one out.
Embrace, honor, and love yourself to healthy self-esteem
As I’ve already mentioned, there are many factors which can cause or contribute to low self-esteem. The key to overcoming your low self-esteem is to believe in your abilities and recognize the areas where you excel, so you can start feeling good about yourself again. The above tips will help you to achieve this.
As you build your self-esteem, you’ll make sound decisions and fulfill your goals with even greater ease. You’ll know with certainty that you are lovable, capable, and worthy of dignity and respect. And you will begin to love and accept yourself for who you are.
You will understand that self-care is a vital part of loving yourself, because you deserve to feel good about yourself. And as I mentioned earlier, investing in yourself helps you to stay strong and maximize your potential.
For ways to prioritize yourself with self-care, click here to claim your FREE gift, 23 of My Favorite Self-Care Activities That Take Less Than 15 Minutes. I hope this list supports you to honor yourself and block time each day to enjoy an activity you love.
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“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~ Maya Angelou
What does it mean to thrive?
Thriving is feeling empowered and abundant. Thriving is living life on your terms and acknowledging that you can achieve whatever you desire.
You might be thinking to yourself, I wish that were me.
Perhaps, instead, you feel powerlessness? Scarcity? Like you’re following a plan somebody else prescribed for you?
If this is you, it’s important to be aware that you do have power over your circumstances. You can develop yourself. You have the ability to thrive.
And thriving begins with cultivating your six pillars.
It isn’t enough to maintain one or two pillars. You need all six.
Each pillar contributes to a solid foundation on which you can build the life you desire. When all of your pillars are strong and well-maintained, you feel energized, inspired, and empowered. Your purpose is clear, and you’re able to manifest the life you desire.
But when any one of these pillars is neglected, your foundation becomes shaky… and collapses. This is when you start feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and stretched thin.
As you read on about each pillar, reflect on the condition of the pillars in your life. Are they fortifying your foundation? Or do you need to give two or three of those pillars more attention?
These reflections will help you understand where to focus your efforts this year.
Are you ready to learn how to stop enduring and start thriving? Let’s begin.
The 6 Pillars of Well-Being: How to Thrive in 2021 and Beyond
#1 The Pillar of Self-Care
Self-care is about tending to your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. Without self-care, your other pillars will certainly fall.
Because putting your needs secondary to others and playing catchup with your health puts you on a continuous swing between stress and ease.
When you maintain your pillar of self-care, YOU are the priority.
- You care for your body through nutrition, sleep, and exercise.
- You tend to your mind and emotions through journaling or meditation.
- You nurture your spirituality through faith and prayer.
A strong pillar of self-care will bring greater ease as you work on your other pillars.
#2 The Pillar of Self-Acceptance
Self-acceptance is about embracing all aspects of who you are, and that includes your not-so-favorite traits.
When you accept yourself, you tell yourself that you are worthy of love, support, and kindness. Self-acceptance can lead to more confidence, optimism, and attracting better relationships.
So, how do you accept yourself unconditionally?
Start with keeping your inner critic in check when it tells you that you’re not worthy of acceptance. When you overcome your inner critic and recognize your value, your shame and guilt diminish. In its place, love and acceptance can flourish.
#3 The Pillar of Self-Worth
The pillar of self-worth is about knowing your existence carries inherent value.
You don’t have to do anything to prove it to yourself. You don’t need to look a specific way, have a certain amount in the bank, or have some title attached to your name.
You are worthy as you are.
Recognizing your self-worth begins with reclaiming the power you’ve given away. Each time you put self-care on the back burner or let your inner critic win, you surrender some of your power.
To reclaim your power, return to your pillar of self-care. Each act of self-care reminds you that you are worthy of care and love. And when you can internalize this belief, you will slowly recognize the self-worth stirring within you.
#4 The Pillar of Self-Preservation
Self-preservation is integrated into our core DNA because it focuses on what is necessary to survive.
Yet, women often overgive their resources — time, money, energy, mental bandwidth — and suffer the consequences.
This is counterproductive to your survival.
Think about it.
Does thriving look like signs of burnout? Does thriving feel like you’re stretched thin in every direction?
You know the answer.
You may not realize you’re overextending yourself because you haven’t established boundaries that protect your interests. By clarifying, “This is what I need to feel balanced, and this is how I will do it,” you can know when a decision crosses those boundaries.
This distinction can help you begin saying no to others and yes to you.
#5 The Pillar of Self-Advocacy
Self-advocacy is about using your voice to ask for what you need.
Too often, you struggle in silence. Yet, you say nothing. Instead, you quietly wish for things to change.
If there is something you need, ask for it. If you need accommodations at work, ask your boss. If you need to change something at home, ask your spouse.
Stop asking if you even “deserve” such a request. You don’t ask if you deserve to breathe. You just do, because it’s natural to your survival.
Similarly, you don’t need to ask if you deserve to feel empowered, or centered, or heard. If the desire is there, the only thing left is for you to initiate the change.
Return to the pillar of self-preservation and enforce those boundaries when you or other people cross them.
#6 The Pillar of Self-Love
The pillar of self-love is exactly what it sounds like: loving yourself.
This pillar is often the most difficult for women to maintain.
Because self-love seems selfish or greedy? Caring for yourself means you’re not caring about others?
Self-love is anything but.
Rather, self-love is the pathway to achieving everything you desire in life, including supporting others.
When you love yourself, you take actions that improve you. And when you improve yourself, you become a more empowered woman. When you’re a more empowered woman, you have greater resources to share with others.
But when you fail to love yourself, you engage in behavior that sabotages your well-being — whether or not you’re aware of it. How can you love others when you’re not in the right mindset or conditions to share your love? Your cup is empty.
Loving yourself is a pillar to thriving. Tend to this pillar, and you will eventually manifest the life you desire.
What Does It Mean to Thrive?
You will probably agree that thriving is about living life on your terms.
- Before, you felt stretched thin. This year, you will feel fortified and empowered.
- Before, you followed the whims of others. This year, you will create and follow your own plan.
- Before, you felt like you never had enough. This year, you will have more than enough to share with yourself and your loved ones.
Take a moment to reflect on these six pillars of thriving. Which of these pillars need nurturing in your own life?
It may be one. There may be two. Perhaps even all of them!
The true blessing in life is that you have the opportunity to create the changes you desire. And this article offers a starting point for your self-development journey.
Isn’t it time to acknowledge that you’re the captain of your own ship? Only you can decide that you have the power to do whatever you want with your life.
To help you start making tangible changes in your life TODAY, I’m offering you this free gift: Your Building Blocks For Personal Empowerment Checklist.
When you develop your personal strength and resolve, any life you choose is within your reach. This checklist will provide:
- Stepping stones for building your reserves of personal strength.
- Encouragement to take action and go after what you want.
- Tips for enhancing your own sense of personal empowerment.
Click here now to claim your free gift: Your Building Blocks For Personal Empowerment Checklist.
Self-worth is the bedrock of personal development. It’s what empowers you to change your circumstances. Self-worth is what reminds you that you are worthy of manifesting and claiming the life you desire.
As a high-achieving and ambitious woman, you’re working hard. You set high standards for yourself and create incredible goals.
However, you might fall into the trap of tying your self-worth to those external achievements.
I can’t feel worthy until I get that job promotion.
I’ll finally feel worthy once I hit my goal weight.
If I could somehow match my lifestyle to hers, I’ll feel better about myself.
These are some of the things you might tell yourself every day when you step on the scale or even scroll through social media.
And if you fall short, you doubt your self-worth. You question your ability. And when this happens…
- You struggle with recognizing your strengths
- You give too much of yourself in your relationships
- You lower the bar on your goals and dreams
- You get caught in the trap of comparing yourself to others
And yet, your self-worth has nothing to do with external forces. There is already inherent beauty and value within you.
Imagine tapping into that inner value and using it to drive you forward? It could reduce all the doubt, uncertainty and friction preventing you from achieving the life you desire! Following the tips in this article will empower you to recognize and embrace your self-worth so you can claim a life of greater love, joy, and ease.
What is Self-Worth?
Seeing your self-worth is having the ability to value yourself. You recognize your strengths and your weaknesses and know deep down that you are worthy. You can tell yourself:
I have value. I am worthy of love. I am deserving of joy and ease.
As I mentioned earlier, self-worth isn’t tied to any external object or your immutable characteristics. But people mistakenly believe that self-worth is measured against the following criteria:
- Career success
Imagine tying your self-worth to youth. Your self-worth would fluctuate daily, diminishing over time!
While some of the criteria above may be your personal priorities, none of them are essential for you to embrace your inherent self-worth.
Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
Self-worth and self-esteem are similar with some key differences.
Self-esteem easily shifts. Your low self-esteem might dip on a bad hair day and then skyrocket that same afternoon after nailing a presentation.
Self-worth runs deeper. It is profound and unflinching.
Self-worth is understanding every moment that your existence holds value, regardless of external changes or your present circumstances.
When you have a bad day, that’s all there is to it. You don’t blame yourself. You don’t wonder if you deserved it. You don’t question your worth.
You just had a bad day.
That’s the beauty of knowing your self-worth. They act like tree roots and keep you out of your self-imposed mind games and grounded in reality.
So, how do you recognize the foundation of self-worth that upholds you?
How to Tap Into the Self-Worth That Resides Within You
1. Imagine Taking Everything Away
Imagine everything was taken away from you — money, power, relationships, accomplishments.
All of it.
Strip away the accessories and laurels and what is left?
See, self-worth is about recognizing the value already present within you. Take away the glamor, wash off the makeup, and you find yourself.
Look at yourself as you are in this moment — not who you try to be or who you want to be.
Now, reflect on your unique strengths.
Do you have the boldness to try new things? Do you have an intense drive to love and provide for your family? Did you embody resilience and adapt to shifting circumstances during this crazy year?
You already have so many gifts. Your mind, voice, and characteristics all define who you are. And each of these things has inherent and incredible value.
When you know your self-worth, you don’t need wealth or any other external measurement to confirm it.
You are beautiful and worthy just as you are.
2. Don’t Let Your Weaknesses Define You
Every woman has strengths. And every woman has weaknesses.
No woman is perfect.
Yet, you might be trying to achieve some unrealistic standard and when you fall short, you feel like you’re lacking. You blame yourself and if you can just overcome these weaknesses, you can finally feel worthy.
This leads you to over-focus on everything you believe to be wrong with yourself. And when you define yourself by everything you aren’t, you lose sight of everything you are. In your pursuit for perfection, you forget about your self-worth.
Including verbal affirmations in your daily rituals can remind you of the incredible woman you are.
The trick to affirmations that work is to personalize them to counter an internalized belief you want to dissolve.
For example, let’s say your internalized belief is that you’re unworthy because your weaknesses are holding you back.
An affirmation you could say aloud is, “I am worthy. I possess strengths and gifts that enable me to achieve the life I desire.”
Your self-worth is already stirring within you. Sometimes, a verbal affirmation is the reminder you need to recognize it.
3. Reclaim Your Power
When you cannot recognize your self-worth, it is because you surrendered your power.
It didn’t happen overnight. It happened in several small actions throughout the years.
- When you chose to stay late at the office instead of being with your family.
- When you chose to skip your morning routine to lounge in bed and scroll through your phone.
- When you chose to stay silent even though you wanted to speak up for your values.
Do you know what all these actions have in common?
They don’t honor your needs and priorities.
And each time you don’t honor your needs, you give away your power. You tell yourself that you don’t matter. That you’re not worthy of being loved and cared for.
Eventually, you lose sight of your self-worth.
So, what’s the solution?
Make self-care non-negotiable.
Self-care is about sticking to your priorities and honoring them each day. It’s about setting a bedtime so you have enough energy to fulfill your priorities for the next day. It’s about taking time off for your body to rejuvenate itself.
Self-care not only helps you recognize your self-worth — it helps you nurture it. And when you finally make yourself a priority again, you reclaim the power you gave away over the years.
4. Know That You’re Enough
You might be measuring yourself against what you feel you should be — whether it’s expectations imposed by society, your friends and family, or yourself. When you judge that you have not met that standard, you feel like you’re not enough.
And when you hear a statement like “you’re perfect the way you are”, you believe it to be untrue.
However, here’s what you may be missing…
Recognizing your self-worth and having strong ambitions aren’t mutually exclusive.
You can feel worthy as you are in this moment while still moving forward in your personal development journey.
When you can accept this truth, you’ll be able to celebrate how worthy you are of living the life you desire.
Special note: I’m so excited to unveil a preview of Accelerated Evolution, a profoundly simple and effective coaching tool! Accelerated Evolution has changed my life and it could help you tap into the self-worth stirring within, so you feel greater satisfaction and drive in your life. I’m giving you the opportunity to have an experience of these powerful tools first-hand next Wednesday October 28th, during a FREE 90-minute interactive training, 5 Mistakes That Keep You Trapped In Struggle & Overwhelm (& What To Do Instead To Tap Into More Ease, Energy & Enjoyment!)
To learn more and join me and other women on similar journeys to your own, click here now to sign up for this complimentary interactive training, 5 Mistakes That Keep You Trapped In Struggle & Overwhelm (& What To Do Instead To Tap Into More Ease, Energy & Enjoyment!)